Dear Doc: Abortion drama

Q. I am a 22-year-old female who is an emotional wreck. I am with a man who is much older than I am and he has got me pregnant twice. They both ended in abortions. He doesn't have any children. What I would like to know is whether a man who put a woman through such trauma twice in her life is to be considered 'human'? He coaxed me into it but I didn't have a choice.

I would also like to know if these abortions could prevent me from having children in the future.

A .I am so sorry to hear about this. You seem to be suggesting that this man virtually forced you into these two abortions, and you are very angry with him. That is not good. I think you could do much better than this man who presumably doesn't want any children. I think you should see a counsellor and discuss with her whether you should get out of the relationship.

Will these two abortions do your body harm? If they were carried out by a doctor under sterile and hygienic conditions, it is unlikely that it should cause any problems in the future. If not, then you could have future problems such as pelvic infection. So your best course now would be to see a good doctor and have a full check-up. She should be able to tell you whether your fertility has been affected.

Finally, you seem pretty depressed, and describe yourself as an 'emotional wreck'. Please seek some medical help for your state of mind. I wish you well.

Can a man love two women at the same time?

Q. Doc, my question is; can a man love two women at the same time?

I met this guy six years ago, but he was married with three children. I knew about his wife and family. He and I were having an affair and that was all it was supposed to be. But somehow, I fell in love with him - the first time I have ever been in love.

His wife knows that we are friends but nothing more. We were lovers before I met her. She has no problem with him coming by my house and she wants to be close friends with me.

I am finding this all very difficult. I really love this guy and he tries to make both of us happy. But sometimes the situation is very hard for me to deal with.

A. To answer your initial question, I don't think it is possible for a man to love two women at the same time. I have seen quite a few cases like this and, in nearly all of them, the result is often tears and anger - and sometimes even violence.

On the other hand, I have seen cases in which the man made no pretence of loving two women, but just having sex with them on different days.

It is clear that you love this man, but does he love you? At the moment, I cannot see any clear evidence that he does. You do not state that he passionately declares his love for you or that he says he wants to leave his wife and children for you. So it is a very muddled, confusing situation.

When things are like this, it is often a good idea for 'the other woman' - you - to take a breather for a while. So I strongly recommend that you stop seeing this guy for three months. Just stay away from him and see what happens. Don't have contact with his wife either.

Try not to think about him, and don't call, text or email him. I know that initially it will be tough, but at least this period of absence will give you time to think things out and decide whether you really want to spend any more of your life sharing this married man.

Your story is a sad one and you have my sympathy. But it illustrates a very important point - often women decide to just have an affair with a married man and think that there will be no more to it than that. But time and time again, it ends up that she falls in love with him. Women who are reading this should bear that in mind.

Questions about prostate cancer treatment

Q.Doc, I am in my 50s and was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. This was discovered because I did a blood PSA test.

The recommendation from my urologist is to either:

Completely remove my prostate gland; or

Do a 'brachytherapy'.

Which of the two options would be better?

A. With the increased number of men who are having prostate cancer, this is a decision they have to make. Complete removal of the prostate gland is a major operation, usually carried out through a cut in the lower abdomen. It is important for you to realise that, if your prostate is removed, you will probably not be able to have sex again, except possibly with the aid of Viagra-like drugs or injections into the penis. On the other hand, brachytherapy involves putting radioactive 'seeds' into the prostate to 'kill' the cancer. You probably would be able to have sex about two weeks after the insertion of the seeds. But you will need to use a condom for a while, just in case one of the seeds 'flies' out when you climax.

I think the best thing for you to do is to discuss the matter fully with your urologist and then make a decision. Good luck.

Is sex during menopause OK?

Q. Is it ok to continue having sex during menopause?

A. Yes, it certainly is. There is no need to give that up.

Painful foreskin

Q. I am in my early 30s and, when my penis is erect, the foreskin cannot retract. When I try to force it back, it is very painful and burns. What is your opinion, Doctor?

A. The foreskin is too tight. You probably need a circumcision or some other 'trimming' operation. If possible, you should see a urologist, and talk this over with him.

Spotting after menses

Q. Doc, I have been having 'spotting' a week after my menses, virtually every month.

What could be the cause of that?

A. Spotting between periods is usually a trivial matter in very young women. But if you are over 25, it could be a symptom of a serious disease of the cervix.

My advice is to see a doctor, preferably a gynaecologist, right away.