DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I caught my wife watching porn

Q: Doctor, I am very concerned about my wife. On two separate occasions, I have caught her watching pornography on the computer. I am very puzzled about this because it does not strike me as a suitable activity for a woman. I have watched such 'sexual material' occasionally in the past, but I just cannot understand why a woman would look at it.

My wife is a very respectable woman - highly sexed, but respectable. She is a Christian and a churchgoer. So it seems strange that she is doing this. We have had a good marriage so far. Our sex life has been pretty good, though in the last couple of years, there has been too much of 'the same t'ing every time'. I suppose I always make the same moves. I kiss her on the lips, stroke her breasts, touch her private parts, and then I go in. But she must like it, because she certainly climaxes a lot.

A few weeks ago, I entered the room and she was at the computer, she immediately turned it off, but not before I saw the image of two persons having vigorous intercourse. Neither of us said anything. Then last Monday, she had to go outside to speak to someone at the gate. While she was there, I wandered past her computer screen, and on it was a film of a pretty young woman giving a man oral sex. I will admit that I found it arousing. But I thought that the best thing to do was to switch it off. What should I do, Doc? Neither of us have discussed this matter.

A: Well, you should discuss it right away. It is obvious that lack of verbal communication is part of this problem.

Now, you are shocked at the idea that a woman should look at pornography. But let us discuss the facts. Whether people like it or not, it is a fact that millions of people all over the world now look at pornography.  Frankly, I feel this is regrettable, because porn gives young people (and some older ones) some very foolish ideas about sex. However, that is how it is at the moment.

You may be amazed to hear this, but research by Google and others have shown that a substantial minority of porn-users are women. Obviously, that minority includes your wife. The question which interests me is this - why did she let you 'catch her' - on two separate occasions? You see, it could well be that she actually wanted you to find out that she was watching it.

Why would she do that? Well, it may be connected with your statement that recently your sex life has become rather dull and repetitive. If you think that is the case, then probably she does too. So I think you have to talk over these matters with her. Ask her what she would really like you to do in bed. It would be helpful if the two of you could have a discussion with a counsellor who is knowledgeable about sexual matters. Finally, you and your wife may benefit from sitting down together and looking at a few Christian sex advice websites that are now available on the Internet.

Q: Doc, I am in my late 20s and my boyfriend is in his late 30s. Although we have a great sex life, he cannot make me climax. Because of this, sometimes he feels that he 'isn't good enough'. But in reality, he is awesome! As for me, I can only have an orgasm by playing with myself or through oral sex. But, unfortunately, he is not willing to try oral sex. He says he has never done it before. Do you think that it is fear that is preventing him from giving it a try?

A: Maybe. But you have to remember that there is a minority of men who do not feel comfortable performing cunnilingus. Some of them dislike the taste and smell of the vagina. Others are afraid that they will get everything wrong, and look foolish.

It may be that eventually you will persuade him to try it in order to help you achieve an orgasm. But in the meantime, one very important point is this - you have proven that you can climax as a result of finger stimulation.  Therefore, what you should do is to get your partner to give you stimulation with his fingertips, concentrating on the clitoris and surrounding area. Surely he will agree to give you this digital stimulation in order to relieve your current frustration - I hope so.

Q: Doctor, I am thinking of taking a vasectomy in America. But is it true that they cut your testicles off?

A: Certainly not! That wouldn't be a very popular operation, would it? No, in a vasectomy the surgery just makes a little cut in the scrotum so that he can get at the little tube called the 'vas'. It looks like a piece of thin spaghetti.

He then cuts through this tube. The effect of that is to stop sperms from travelling from the testicle to the penis. It is a very simple and straightforward operation.

Q: Is it safe to wash out my vagina while taking a shower? I have always done this. But recently somebody told me that it is not good to wash out my inside.

A: They were right. Washing out the vagina or 'douching' is not a good idea. It may well introduce germs into the intimate feminine parts. Also, it 'hoses out' various vaginal cells and natural bacteria, which together form part of the body's defences. So please do not do it.

Q: Doc, am I too old to have a circumcision at the age of 35?

A: No, you are not too old. If you really want to do this, you will certainly be able to find a surgeon to carry out the operation for you.  But please think very carefully before you go ahead. Many men undergo circumcisions and then deeply regret that they have done so.

Q: Good day. I am a female and all my life I have noticed that it is impossible for me to have an orgasm while using a condom. But I do not want to be having sex without a condom, because that would increase the risk of STD or pregnancy. Am I abnormal?

A: No, I do not think you are abnormal. A small group of women do find it difficult to get turned on while the man is using a condom. I suggest that instead you try the female condom, which you can purchase in most pharmacies. If that doesn't help, you should use some other form of contraception.