Dear doc: I'm pregnant ... not for my husband

Q: Doctor, I am a pregnant wife and I do not know what to do.

You see, the baby is not my husband's. Let me explain. I am a part-time teacher and I have been married for two years. We have no children, so far.

Last month, I did something incredibly stupid at a beach party. Heaven knows why, but I went into the bushes with a young man and let him have his way with me. Two weeks later, I realised that my cycle had not arrived.

I did a pregnancy test and I think it was positive. Then I looked at the dates on which I'd had intercourse with my husband. There had only been one and it was on the day my period ended.

So it was pretty clear that the child is for this young man. I have no idea who this man was, what his name is, or where he lives. I don't know how I could contact him.

What should I do, Doctor? I have not talked to my husband about this and he does not know that I am pregnant. Should I just keep quiet about the incident on the beach and then let him think that the baby is his?

A: This is a very distressing situation. First of all, may I suggest that you do another pregnancy test? You say that you have done one and that you 'think' it was positive. But you could have been mistaken, especially if you were feeling a little nervous at the time and did not follow the instructions correctly.

You should know that there is a chance that this baby is your husband's. It is certainly possible to get pregnant on the last day of the cycle, though that is not very common. But based on the dates you have given, it is possible that the young man is the one who got you pregnant.

Now, it is well-known throughout history that there have been quite a few wives who have 'given their husband's jacket'. But I cannot recommend that you do that.

It is not fair, and there is the danger that you would be found out. For instance, what if the child does not look like your husband? Your spouse could become very suspicious. And if he can prove (which is not very difficult to do these days) that he is not the father, he would have justification for a divorce.

Unfortunately, at the moment you have no way of finding out who the father really is. But when the child is born, you could easily arrange a DNA testing. I doubt that you will be able to find the young man and get him to do a test! But testing your husband, yourself, and the baby, would reveal whether your spouse really is the father or not.

This is a chaotic situation that you are in. I hope that you are not really pregnant. But if you are, then I believe that the best thing you can do is to make an honest confession of the facts to your husband. I wish you well.

Q:Dear Doc, please help me. I am too shy to start a conversation with women that I am interested in.

I am in my late 20s, and I do not have a girlfriend because of my shyness, and it makes me very lonely.

A: Sorry to hear that. I note that you have emailed me three times in a week, so obviously you are not very happy. It is essential that you do something about this problem now, so as to avoid becoming a lifelong recluse and 'confirmed bachelor'.

What shy men need is a lot of social contact with women, so that they get used to talking to them. So, first of all, do you have any females in your family who you could 'practise' with? For instance, if you have a sister, please take her into your confidence and ask her to have some practice conversations with you in which she plays the role of some pleasant female and speaks with you for around two hours at a time.

An understanding aunt or female cousin could do the same thing for you. Often, it is less 'threatening' if a young man like you practises talking to an older woman.

But if you can afford it, I would strongly recommend that you have at least half a dozen sessions with a female counsellor. She can do 'role play' with you and show you how to converse with women, how to talk about subjects that they are interested in, and (most of all) how to listen to them! Good luck.

Q: My boyfriend and I have regular sex and I notice that he has tiny white bumps on his penis. Does he have yeast that he has caught from me?

A: No. Yeast infection does not cause white bumps. Tiny bumps on the male organ are very common, and are usually (though not always) harmless.

If you and your boyfriend want to find out more, you can Google the words 'bumps on penis', and you will be offered a choice of 2.4 million articles.

Q: I am a 29-year-old female and I have extreme difficulty achieving a climax when I am with a guy. Once a man actually broke off our relationship because of this.

Occasionally, I achieve a climax through foreplay, but I have never been able to orgasm during sex.

I am getting more and more frustrated, especially as I don't party much. Sex is the only thing I do for fun, and this only happens occasionally - because I'm not in a steady relationship. I just go to work and class and then home.

A: I think the 'problem' lies more with the men you have been dating than with you.

The fact that you can sometimes climax through foreplay shows that your body's 'orgasm mechanism' is working fine.

What you need is a regular partner who can treat you kindly and romantically and who can pay great attention to stimulating your clitoral area. Sounds as though, like many people, you have not realised that most women cannot achieve an orgasm unless the clitoris is skilfully stimulated.

As it relates to your social life, it is clearly limited and perhaps unhappy. Please make every effort to get out more and to meet more people, for instance through volunteering or through your church or sporting or educational activities. If you do this, life will improve for you.

Q: I am a man in my 30s and I have developed a lump to one side of my testicles, or a little higher. I have been told by a doc that this is a rupture.

Will it affect my sex life?

A: No, unless the lump grows so big that it gets in the way. But a rupture (that is a hernia) nearly always needs to be operated on by a surgeon very soon, because otherwise unpleasant complications may occur.