DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Can I stop my wife from taking the Pill?

Q Can I prevent my wife from going on the Pill? She is 29 and I am three years older. We have two children, and I want a third. But she says she doesn't want any more, so she has been to her doctor and he gave her a prescription for the Pill.

We argued about this, and the evening ended with me tearing up the prescription. But the next day, she went back to the doctor and got another one. As far as I know, she now has three packs of the Pill hidden somewhere in the house.

Am I correct in thinking that a husband has certain rights, including the right to sex whenever he wants, and the right to father children? And am I correct in thinking that if I can find these Pills, I would be justified in destroying them?

A No, you are not right about any of these things! And as it relates to your wife's contraceptive pills, stealing them from her would be against the law.

A woman is entitled to control her own fertility, and neither her husband nor anyone else has the legal right to stop her from doing that. I appreciate that you want another child, but you cannot insist that your wife goes through nine months of labour, followed by childbirth, just because of your wishes.

It seems quite likely that your wife has already started on the Pill. Why not just accept that it is her own decision as to whether she takes it or not?  I am not too optimistic about the state of your marriage at the moment. Probably the best chance of success would be for the two of you to seek marital counselling. But please forget any idea of forcing her to have more children.

Q Doctor, I have become very shocked by my husband's recent behaviour. We have been married for 10 years and I thought he was a respectable, decent man. But last week, I went to the country for a few days but returned early. I entered the house and went into our bedroom, and I found him lying on the bed and masturbating.

I was appalled, and I went straight to a friend's house and stayed there for several hours. When I got home, my husband and I did not speak about it, and we have not talked about it since. Any advice which would solve our difficult situation?

A I think you should realise that when a wife goes away for a while, it is very likely that a normally sexed husband will feel the need for some relief.

Now your husband did not go to a prostitute, or try to seduce your neighbour. All he did was masturbate. For all you know, he may have been thinking about you while he was doing it. You might like to ask him about that point.  I think you should make things up with him and start talking again. There is no point in ruining your marriage over something so silly.

Q Doc, I am 19 years old and talking to a 51-year-old man. He drinks and smokes at times, and he can get an erection without taking pills. Do you think that his drinking and smoking will affect our chances of having children?

A Please do not rush into having a child for this man. He is 32 years older than you, which is quite a gap.

Drinking and smoking do often reduce a man's fertility, but I don't think you should worry about that at the moment. Instead, I feel you should look after your own health, and make sure you use some reliable form of contraception until you can decide what you are going to do with your life.

Q I had to go to England for six months, leaving my fiancée on her own. Since I have returned, sex with her has been great. But whenever we make love, I have noticed that there is something sharp like a pin which pokes me on the end of my penis. This mostly happens when I thrust deeply.  What do you think is going on, Doc? I have not asked her.

A It is almost certain that she had a coil (an IUD) fitted while you were away. I do not know why she has done this without telling you, but clearly, it is of great importance that you discuss this with her right now.

Q I can't reach a climax with my current boyfriend. I used to be able to with my babyfather, but we are not together anymore. What is wrong with me, and what can I do? I have to lie to him that I have climaxed.

A Nothing is wrong with you, but it is obvious that your body does not want to respond to whatever your current boyfriend is doing in bed. Do you intend for this to be a long-term relationship? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Do you love him?

If the answers to these three questions are all 'yes', then you should sit down with this man, tell him that you are not achieving an orgasm, and then explain to him exactly what he needs to do in order to make you climax. But if you don't really love this man, and if you don't see a future with him, then maybe it is time to move on. Good luck.

Q I am a 38-year-old man and my wife died two years ago. I have now formed a new relationship with an elegant lady who is 36 years old. To my alarm, I just can't seem to get an erection when I am in bed with her. Why? She is very understanding.

A It is good that she is so understanding. Both of you should appreciate that it is extremely common for a man who is a widower to find that he simply cannot have sex with anyone else for a long time.

Going to bed with another woman stirs up old memories, and makes him feel, subconsciously, that he is being unfaithful to the wife who has passed on, so he can't get an erection.  This phase will pass, eventually, but it may take several years. It would be of help if the two of you could get some sympathetic counselling.

In the meantime, I think that you and your new love should discuss whether it would be useful for you to take Viagra, or one of the other related erection-inducing drugs. I wish you well.

Q If I go on the Pill, will it take away my sexual desire?

A That is unlikely. Many women who start taking the Pill feel sexier. But it does make some feel less sexy. If that happens, it is usually best to switch to another brand.