DOCTOR'S ADVICE: He is gay - Should I marry him?

Q. Doc, I am 35 years old, and I thought I was on the shelf. But now I have received a proposal of marriage from a man. But I am well aware that he is 'gay', though he is a very nice man and we get along very well. Would I be mad to accept?

A: Homosexual men quite often marry women in order to appear 'respectable' and as a sort of cover. In these cases, they often refer to the women as 'a beard', because she gives the man a kind of disguise. Perhaps, surprisingly, a lot of these marriages work out pretty well, especially where the two are very fond of each other. Often, the women accepts that there will probably be no sex.  Before deciding to go ahead, you should try to establish whether this man might look for sex elsewhere, or whether he would be truly faithful to you.

Q. Doc, does diabetes cause sexual problems? I have just been diagnosed with it, and I am worried about what this could do to my sex life.I am a 32-year-old woman, and to be frank, I have a pretty active sex life. I've have had half a dozen partners over the years, and now I have a 'regular' man and I hope to marry him when his divorce comes through.

We have sex about two to three times for the week, and he has told me that he thinks I am 'the greatest' in bed. He says he has never met a woman as passionate as I am, and he is also pleasantly surprised by the fact that I can easily orgasm five times for the night, if we have the time. But my recent diagnosis has me alarmed. I have heard that it can affect your sex life so I am worried. What do you think my chances are, Doc?

A: Sorry to hear that you are so worried. People have said some pretty alarming things about diabetes and its effects on one's sex life. But the reality is, it's not as bad as you think.

As it relates to men, there is a higher incidence of erectile dysfunction (ED - formerly called 'impotence'). However, it is certainly not inevitable that a diabetic man will lose his nature. Men who have their diabetes under control will remain fully active and potent in bed. Most diabetic men who have potency problems can be successfully treated with medications such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

As it relates to diabetic women, the position is not quite so clear. The reason is that not a lot medical research has been done on its effects on women.  However, the general view among diabetic experts is that diabetic women are a little more likely to have problems in bed. Among the difficulties which have been reported by diabetic women are:

• Recurrent attacks of yeast infections
• Dryness in the vagina;
• Reduced sex drive.

The best defence against encountering these problems is to make sure that your diabetes is as well-controlled as possible. Stick to a strict diet, and take your medication (pills/injections) regularly and check your blood sugar level as often as your doctor advises.  And if you do have any problems, seek medical advice right away. My forecast is that your sex life with your new man will be able to continue just as it did before!

Q. Doc, I have had a lot of women, and I do mean a lot.  Is there any danger I might have chlamydia?

A: There is certainly a chance that you have chlamydia. And if you do, then it might hurt you and your future partner.  So I would advise that you see a doctor as soon as possible to test a sample of your urine for the virus. I would also give the same advice to any woman whom you have slept.

Q.  am a woman who would like your advice on a difficult matter. Several years ago, I was unfaithful to my husband - just once. I went to see a doctor who did some tests and treated me. But what concerns me is, would he have written down the fact that I committed adultery?  And if it is there in my medical records, could anyone else get to see it? I have been lying awake at nights worrying about this, so please help me.

A: Please stop worrying, everything will be ok. Doctors (like priests) often receive confessions of adultery, but they are absolutely forbidden from revealing such information to anyone else.

In the case of adultery, it is very common for doctors to 'leave out' that particular bit of information in your records. I myself have never written the word 'adultery' in anyone's record - though I may write a codeword that no one else would understand. So I think it is almost impossible that anyone would find out that you consulted the doctor as a result of an adulterous affair. I do hope that since then you have successfully mended your marriage.

Q. Doc, I had a baby six months ago, and had to have stitches immediately after. My husband and I have been having sex again for some time.  But there has been acute pain whenever he touches the spot where the stitches were. This is ruining our sex life. Help!

A: Something has definitely gone wrong with the stitching. You may have a little raw spot or you could have a tiny abscess (that is, a collection of pus) at the point where one of the stitches went in.  I am sure that this problem can be cured. But you must see a doctor who can examine you and decide exactly what has gone wrong with those stitches. Good luck.

Q. My wife had an affair with a much younger man, but fortunately that is over now. But I am tortured by the idea that maybe he was more virile than I am. I have a secret way of knowing that this young man produced a great deal of sexual fluid, and I only produce about a teaspoon. Am I abnormal, doc?

A: No, you are not. The average man produces much less than many persons think - only about a teaspoonful.  In any case, women are not usually all that interested in how much sexual fluid a man produces during orgasm. So don't worry just concentrate on giving your wife a good time in bed, and keeping your marriage going.