Is talking rubbish the new craze?

After visiting a New Year's Eve celebration downtown, and then another uptown, I can report that, at least culturally, things are converging nicely. Nowadays, men and women dress and behave very similarly, right across the society, discussing things at the same decibels, listening to the same music, and gyrating and grinding with similarly aggressive determination. Sometimes it takes a while for certain styles to move uptown, but mercifully, that time delay is growing shorter and shorter. One friend suggested to me that we're on the way to becoming a totally classless society, but I think it's a little early to say that.

Actually, I had intended to write this week about Richard Hart and the great fortune that Norman Manley expelled the communist clique from the People's National Party. Of course, the incident is usually portrayed apologetically, as if Manley made some sort of mistake. I think the exact opposite is true, and that pragmatic manoeuvring converged with the verdict of sound judgement. If anything, Mr Manley's scalpel was insufficiently sharp because the excision was done reluctantly.

It is only worth marking Mr Hart's political failure, not out of glee, but because the word 'unrepentant' kept coming up in encomiums as a sort of reminder that the attraction to utopian fantasy lurks around awaiting another opportunity - another October 1917, so to speak. Plus, there was commentary that suggested that consistency over time was itself admirable.

But as I see it, persisting in error in the face of overwhelming evidence that one was sorely mistaken is not a virtue. Plus, I'm quite resolute that dictatorship, whether by the proletariat, or by the intellectuals who would have likely anointed themselves their directorate and protectors, doesn't sound all that appealing.

I'd rather celebrate the overlooked benefits of bourgeois civilisation and social organisation. I'm attached to little things like a liberal democracy with competitive elections, religious institutions, private property, and the amazing fecundity of the world market system that delivers good-tasting toothpaste, cheap cell phones, and on top of all that has lifted much of the world's working class out of poverty.

But the plan to focus on ideological battles from the 1950s suffered the ever-present temptation to revisionism and fell away when The Gleaner reported on the new dance craze we'll call 'WLADACUAP' (Walk Like a Dog and.....you can google the rest of the title), and after I saw footage of our tax dollars at work at Sting 2013. I realised that we have some more pressing issues than the return of the Bolsheviks. So instead of wrangling with the past, let's contend with the present.

A Piece of the Puzzle

For me, seeing WLADACUAP was like a revelation, an important piece of the puzzle regarding the end result of some different trends. Apart from the name being unforgettable, I think there's cause to believe that this new move was inevitable.

If you haven't seen it, forget about studying Kartel's literary masterpiece and waiting outside the Supreme Court to pay homage to dancehall's persecuted lamb. Just learn to perform this move like your granny taught you to kneel at prayer, and enlightenment and understanding, dear searcher, will be yours.

The walking part of WLADACUAP is done after the woman (there's only evidence so far of women doing it) has achieved the coveted 6:30 position. That might take some work. But think of the body bent over perfectly to admit easy visuals and access, then imagine the performer powering forward with little jumps alternating with small steps. That is until it's time to relieve herself, metaphorically speaking, at which time she will raise a leg and take care of metaphorical business.

One dancer said, "Persons who don't like the dance move are taking it too literally ... it's more humour than anything else." I believe her, because there are few things funnier than watching a dog relieve itself. However, to see a person mimicking a dog making pee-pee, that's side-splitting! Perhaps I'll see it performed at the next uptown party I can get to. Until then, the latest uptown craze of learning pole-dancing will have to suffice.

Government-sponsored Sting

Anyway, the dance's name is descriptive and accurate. Not to mention that to achieve aesthetic harmony with a dance, the physical moves must match the lyrical content of the performer's music. Which brings me to Sting 2013, the government-sponsored greatest one-night show on earth, where lyrical ingenuity was on display. This year's epic clash between Lady Saw and Macka Diamond should be required viewing. Consider it a revealing government-sponsored sting operation.

Obviously, preparation is key. Both women had clearly done research into their rival's biography and sexual history, and that gave the whole performance the air of solid feminist scholarship. I don't want to downplay the revolutionary potential of this confrontation, because nothing will move us away from the patriarchal ordering of society faster than women calling each other whores and sluts for the amusement of an audience.

Alas, none of us are immune to talking rubbish and getting on badly. As one who has done my fair share of both, I know that of which I speak. Just note, though, that a society that blithely generates a craze called WLADACUAP, or cheers along a 'clash' like that between Lady Saw and Mrs Macka, might be taking what is forgivable as an occasional lapse and turning it into a habit.

Daniel Thwaites is a partner of Thwaites Law Firm in Jamaica, and Thwaites, Lundgren & D'Arcy in New York. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.