Dear Doc: Lesbian love?

Q: Dear Doc, I am a happily married woman, but I seem to be in a sexually difficult spot. Last year, my husband, who is highly sexed, persuaded me to engage in a 'threesome' with him and a very good-looking woman we have known for years. We are all good friends, so I did not think it would do any harm.

We had several 'sessions' with her and I have to admit that it was very enjoyable. Naturally, my husband was delighted.

But after a few months, problems began to occur. The first hint of trouble arrived when I realised that it was very easy for me to have an orgasm when I was with the other woman. I climaxed much quicker with her than I did with my husband. He noticed this and became very jealous.

Also, the other woman has started calling me during the day, and wanting to have long talks about our feelings. I think she is becoming too interested in me. And in all honesty, I am a little concerned about how attractive I find her.

I am beginning to think that this is getting out of control. Could you give me your advice about what I should do?

A: Well, it is not my job to criticise anybody, so I will just say that, like a lot of people who have 'threesomes', you are now discovering that there are very big risks associated with this activity. My advice to anyone who is considering the idea is: don't!

If this 'threesome' continues on its present path, then my forecast is that your marriage will break up! So I suggest that you and your husband stop this whole thing right away. I urge you to tell your husband and the other woman that you want no more of it.

I advise that you stop taking her calls, and if possible, cease seeing her socially. Tell your husband what you are doing and explain that you are taking this action in order to save your marriage. I hope that he will have the sense to support your decision. Good luck.

Q: I am in my 30s, and I know several men who have developed cancer of the prostate.

Doc, I am really worrying about this, because I am aware that there is some relationship between prostate cancer and masturbation. To be honest, I masturbated quite a lot when I was young.

Will those past activities give me cancer?

A: Please relax. You have this the wrong way around. What scientists have discovered is that men who have masturbated to ejaculation are less likely to get prostate cancer. The reason for this finding is unknown. But I assure you that you can stop worrying.

Q: Doc, I am a 31-year-old female and on my second marriage. I have just started on the Pill, but my doctor urged me to 'look out for any warning signs'.

I nodded, but I did not really understand. What are these 'warning signs'? And why do I need to be aware of them?

A: The Pill is pretty safe for most women who are in their 30s. But as the years go by, there is a slowly increasing risk of thrombosis (that is, clotting of the blood). It is higher in women who smoke or who have other 'risk factors' such as a family history of thrombosis.

Your doctor is quite right in saying that there are certain danger symptoms. Any woman who is on the Pill should look out for these, particularly after the age of 30. They are:

Pain in the chest, especially pain that is worse when breathing in.

Sudden severe breathlessness

Spitting up blood

Painful swelling of the calf;

A bad fainting attack or collapse with loss of consciousness;

Severe migraine or very bad headache;

Inability to speak properly.

If you ever experience any of those symptoms, stop taking the Pill and contact a doctor immediately.

Q: Although I am only 35, I occasionally have to take Viagra. But I am worried about something, Doc. If I took a tablet, and then found that my wife was 'not available' that day, would that be a serious matter? In other words, if I did not have sex on that occasion, would the Viagra tablet harm me?

A: No. A lot of men have this idea that if they take Viagra, then they must have sex. They think that if they don't, then something will 'blow up' inside them!

But these fears are groundless. In fact, it happens quite often that a man takes a Viagra and then finds that his partner is unavailable. However, nothing awful will happen. He will probably get an erection, or perhaps a series of erections, but they will not harm him. And the effects of the drug will wear off in around four hours.

Q: Because my vagina feels 'dry' during sex, I have been using an American lubricant called Astroglide. This is ok, but I wonder if I really need some female hormone cream, Doc.

A: That really depends on your age. If you are in your 20s, then there would be no point in using a female hormone cream, since it would be unlikely that you have any hormone deficiency.

However, if you are approaching menopause, or have already passed through it, then there is a good chance that a hormone cream or vaginal tablet would make your vagina more moist and supple. Please check with your doctor.

Q: I am a 25-year-old man and a woman who is more than twice my age has invited me to sleep with her. I must tell you, Doc, that she is very attractive!

Can I assume that because of her age, there is no danger that I will get her pregnant?

A: The woman is obviously over the age of 50. At that age she has passed through menopause, so it is unlikely that she could get pregnant.

Q: Should I 'douche' my vagina regularly, as I have heard? My mother told me that I should do this after sex.

A: The practice of 'douching' or 'washing out' the vagina is still quite common. But most gynaecologists do not recommend it. They say that douching is likely to introduce germs. Also, it washes away the natural protective mechanisms of the vaginal walls.