Doctor's Advice: Can't understand men!

Can you please advise me about my relationships with men? I really do not understand them! I am 22 and have not had 'full sex' very often. That is OK by me because I am working very hard for my degree, and I do not want any distractions like getting pregnant. So if I have a date with a guy, I make it quite clear to him that we can go as far as petting, but no further. I am quite happy doing things like 'hand jobs' and making each other orgasm. But the big difficulty I have, Doc, is with oral sex. Don't get me wrong. I like men doing it to me. To be frank, that cunnilingus works extremely well in making me climax. However, a lot of guys want me to do it to THEM. In other words, fellatio. And I am not always happy about that. I don't mind the preliminaries, in which I just kiss the boy's private parts, and so on. But the trouble is that many of them want to go all the way to 'discharging' in my mouth. I am really not at all keen on that, Doctor. I dislike the taste and the sliminess of it all. So what I would like to know is this: Why on earth do guys want to climax in this way?

A: First of all, can I just point out to you that oral sex has appreciable dangers? One of these has only recently been discovered.

Both fellatio and cunnilingus can transmit sexual infections like gonorrhoea and chlamydia. Also, in the last few years, it has become clear that either type of oral sex can pass on the human papilloma virus, which has been identified as a cause of throat and mouth cancer.

Indeed, I note with interest that the film actor Michael Douglas has attributed his own throat cancer to going in for a lot of cunnilingus in his youth. He may well be correct.

As it relates to your own case, I would say that you are putting your health at some risk by having oral 'love play' with quite a few guys. Please try to cut down!

Turning to this male habit of trying to orgasm in your mouth, most females agree with you, and think that such a practice is rather strange. But the fact is that men are powerfully 'conditioned' to want to discharge their seed into the female body.

What they desire most is to expel it into the vagina. And that is really why the human race has survived so long since vaginal sex tends to lead to pregnancy!

ANY ORIFICE WILL DO

But if young males can't do it in the vagina, then many of them are liable to attempt to get their fluid into other orifices. So when a girl gives them oral sex, they're quite likely to try to persuade her to let them 'go all the way' and climax inside her mouth. This idea probably strikes you as quite crazy, but for a lot of younger men, that is how it is.

Nevertheless, a woman should not feel that she is 'obliged' to let her partner orgasm in her mouth. Surveys have shown that many ladies do not like that at all. They dislike the taste and the 'feel' of semen. And they don't know what to do with it. In practice, many of them spit it out into a tissue or handkerchief.

In fairness, I should add that there are some females who don't mind what is called 'intra-oral ejaculation'. Some of them have been influenced by the epidemic of porn which affects our society. As you probably know, in pornographic movies and DVDs, the actresses usually pretend that they are absolutely delighted to have guys ejaculate in their mouths. But in the real world, many women don't feel that way.

Summing up, I think that for your own protection, you should cut back on all this oral sex. And when you do decide to offer fellatio to a guy, you must not allow yourself to be pressured into letting him climax inside your mouth.

Can't use a condom

I am engaged to a beautiful girl, but my problem is that whenever I try to put a condom on, I lose my erection. Why?

A: This is extremely common in young guys. It is called 'condom collapse syndrome', and you can find out more about it by just Googling those three words.

Putting on a condom is often quite stressful for a young guy, and, unfortunately, stress and anxiety make it very difficult for a male to maintain his erection. But experts say that condom collapse syndrome can usually be defeated by simply getting the female partner to put the condom on you. Most young men find this so exciting that their erections are maintained without difficulty.

Alternatively, you and your fiancée could try the female condom (Femidom), which is very effective. And it does not cause any 'erection anxiety'.

Will I lose my sexual desire?

If I go on the Pill, would it take away my sexual desire?

A: That is most unlikely. Think about the tens of millions of women all around the world who use the Pill. They would not be taking it if it removed their sexual drive!

Admittedly, a very small number of females do seem to 'go off sex' when they first start using the Pill. But that problem can usually be cured by switching to another brand.

Why am I leaking?

I am a guy of 17 and I have only had sex a few times. I have noticed that when I start to get sexually excited, I produce some drops of clear fluid. Is this a sign that I caught a veneral disease from a girl that I have been with, Doc?

A: No. This clear fluid is called 'pre-cum' or 'pre-ejaculate'. It is thought to originate from little glands near the urinary pipe called Cowper's glands. And some of it may possibly come from the prostate.

An odd fact is that some guys produce no pre-ejaculate at all. Others produce up to 5ml. The reason for this difference is not known.

Anyway, producing these drops whenever you start to get excited is completely normal. So you can quit fretting.

Can a virgin get VD?

I am a virgin, age 19, and at college. Recently, I have noticed that I am secreting quite a lot of vaginal fluid. It has a distinctive aroma, but I do not mind that. A strange thing is that it varies in quantity and nature at different times of my cycle. Doctor, do you think this could be some form of veneral disease?

A: No, I do not. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are almost unknown in young women who are still virgins.

It is probable that you have not yet realised that it is normal for younger females to produce quite a bit of vaginal fluid.

As you say, the liquid varies at different times of the month. Generally, it is clearer and 'stretchier' around the time of ovulation. The thinnish fluid which is produced at that time makes it easier for sperm to get through.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.