DOCTOR'S ADVICE - She took her husband's Viagra

Q. Doctor, I have done a real unwise thing. I have taken my husband's Viagra. I am 32, and have been married for around three years. To be honest with you, things are not going very well with this marriage. We have been having a lot of arguments recently. In fact, there has been trouble almost every night.

And in the last few months, I seem to have lost all interest in sex with my husband. He is aware of this, and it really makes him mad! He says that it must mean I don't love him any more. He is older than me, and has been taking Viagra for some years. It seems to work real well for him.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling so desperate about my lack of desire that I decided to take one of his Viagra. I did not tell him this. I just 'helped myself' from his bedside cupboard.  On that first day, I thought that maybe the Viagra had done some good. Certainly, when he came home in the evening I was ready to give him what he wanted. I got quite excited, and I discharged for the first time in some weeks.

But since then, Doc, I have taken around 10 more Viagra, and I regret to say that they have not really helped me at all. I still don't want to have sex with my husband. And what is concerning me now is this. Have I harmed by health by taking these Viagra pills? On checking out the leaflet in the pack, I can see now that it says 'NOT FOR WOMEN'.  Have I damaged myself? And what should I do about my lack of desire?

A: There is no need to fret about your health. Although you are a woman, it is most unlikely that the Viagra tablets have done you any harm. But unfortunately, Viagra just does not usually work in females. A lot of research has been done on this, and the results are really disappointing. In most clinical trials, all that Viagra seems to do in women is to increase the amount of vaginal lubrication for some hours. There are a few ladies for whom that extra lubrication is helpful. But alas, for most women, Viagra is just a waste of time.

So my advice to you is NOT to take any more of your husband's Viagra. Instead, you really need to address the REASONS why you have lost your desire for your husband.

Although I cannot tell you what those reasons are, it seems to me that it is quite likely that your recent lack of libido may well be because of all the fusses and trouble you have had with him in the last year. You say that you have had 'arguments almost every night', and I assure you that this kind of thing definitely tends to reduce a woman's desire for her man. So I think that you should have a frank talk with your husband and ask him to come to some kind of counselling with you. If you can find a good marriage counsellor, that would be great. Other possibilities include any wise and experienced person such as a pastor.

To be brutally honest, I suspect that the future for your marriage is not too wonderful. But it may be possible to save it, IF the two of you take action now. And if the pair of you can manage to stop having arguments and trouble, there is a reasonable chance that your sexual desire for your man may return. Good luck.

Q. Doc, I am a successful businessman and entrepreneur, age 31. When I was a teenager, I somehow caught 'the clap'. I was treated, but I cannot remember too much about the details. Anyway, now I have found a beautiful woman and am trying to persuade her to marry me. But my problem is this. Can I be sure that 'the clap' has not damaged me permanently? I have heard that this infection can have long-term effects.

A: It can indeed. 'The clap' is the popular name for gonorrhoea: an infection which in the early stages gives a guy painful urination, plus a discharge from the penis. It can be cured with a course of the right antibiotic.  But, as you suggest, it can come back many years later to cause trouble. However, that is only likely to happen if it was inadequately treated - for instance, if the guy did not complete the full course of antibiotics.

What sort of 'troubles' can it cause? I'm talking about infertility, painful inflammation of the testicular area, and narrowing of the urinary pipe. Fortunately, none of this has happened to you, so far. It may well be that you were adequately treated when you were a teenager, but you cannot remember too well. Therefore, the best course for you now would be to go to a doctor who can check out your sex organs and send samples to the lab for testing. Probably he will be able tell you that you are OK.

Q. I am a businesswoman living near Montego Bay. Two weeks ago, I unwisely had sex with a foreign tourist who I met in a stylish restaurant. It was fun, but next morning, my best friend told me that she thought he was bisexual.  So what I am thinking about, doctor, is AIDS. Could he possibly have had the HIV virus? I have always understood that HIV cannot be transmitted by 'straight' vaginal sex. But am I right?

A: No, I am afraid that you are wrong. A lot of people have this idea that ordinary vaginal sex between a man and a woman cannot transmit HIV. But that is just foolishness. A lot of people catch HIV from vaginal sex these days.

Looking on the bright side, you don't really have any reason for thinking that this foreign guy is bisexual. Your best friend thinks he is, but that's not much to go on. And there's absolutely no evidence that he has HIV.

Nevertheless, in order to calm your fears I think you should see a doctor soon. She will advise you about whether you need a blood test.

Q. I see where you have mentioned that 'female condom' thing. I would like to try it, doc. But what exactly is it?

A: Well, it is just a carefully designed little bag (made of polyurethane or synthetic nitrile) which you put into your vagina, immediately before sex. It is rather like those plastic 'sacs' that they line waste-paper baskets with, only smaller.  You push the 'closed' end of the bag as far in as you can. And the 'rim' of the bag stays just outside the opening of the vagina.  Most important: make sure that your man points his organ into the bag. It is vital that he does not 'miss' it and go outside the condom.