Watch your lips what they say

Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

As much as we may like to believe it, this old adage is not always true.

Mary Palmerexperienced the tearing down of a parent's words first-hand, being raised by a single mother.

"My parents separated when I was young and, because I was close to my dad, my mother went crazy. She called me every name in the book and I never felt that I could talk to her," she told Outlook.

At first, it was bearable until Palmer's dad suddenly died.

"I was so depressed when he died. Not only because I lost my dad, but because I had nowhere else to go," said Palmer. "People will say that it's not physical, but I don't think any physical wounds would be worst."

Child psychologist Gemma Gibbon believes that some parents mean well in correcting their children, but have the wrong method.

"There are normal criticisms that are generally done out of love. They might believe that their child is not living up to their full potential and berate them through criticism, which they do with all intentions to help their children," explains Gibbon.

Gibbon believes that if you want a child to do what you want them to, you should give them compliments and advise them what they should change.

"For example, if a child keeps interrupting you when you are speaking to someone, don't embarrass them, draw them aside and say, 'I like that you like to interact with people, however, when adults are speaking, it is not good to interrupt or get involved in their conversation'. When you compliment them, their ears open up and it doesn't tear them down," Gibbon advised.

She notes that this 'verbal punishment' that most parents adopt is verbal abuse. This occurs when parents, instead of explaining to the child what they have done wrong, tear them down by calling them names and telling them that they are stupid and dunce.

Gibbon notes that verbal abuse can manifest in a child in various ways, including causing them to rebel against their abuser.

"This can cause child post-traumatic stress disorder which can turn into a range of childhood disorders," she stated. "Verbal abuse can make them vulnerable to predators since these kids are more vulnerable because they are always looking for validation from anyone who will offer them a kind word."

Repetition of the cycle, self-destructive disorders, and promiscuity are also a major concern for these children.

She notes that, based on the gender of the child, they may react in different ways.

"Boys tend to get more aggressive and lash out, while girls might become more withdrawn. The females may get involved in sexual misconduct and drugs - generally acts that are self-destructive, rather than lashing out and hurting others," Gibbon explained.

This was the case for Palmer as she admitted to attempting suicide on more than one occasion.

"I am OK now. Counselling and church changed my life, but then, I just wanted give up," Palmer said.

So maybe when you teach your child the song "watch your lips what they say," you will say it with meaning and a promise to do the same and watch your lips what they say.

Name changed to protect identity.