Doctor's Advice: Did VIRGIN GIVE ME AN STI ?

Q. Hi Doc. I am female, age 18 and a half, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. I met him six weeks ago, and I think I am in love with him. He says he loves me, too.

Although we did not mean to, we started having sex around 10 days ago. We just could not help ourselves. It was the first-ever time for him, too.

But Doc, for the past four days, I have had a bad pain whenever I pass urine. Also, I have to keep rushing to the toilet to urinate, and I do not pass much.

I have not told my boyfriend about it. Is this some kind of sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

A. No. If both of you were virgins, which is what you imply, then you cannot possibly have an STI.

In fact, your symptoms are the classical ones of cystitis, which is an inflammation of the bladder. And many, many young women get that when they first start having sex.

Cystitis is often caused from germs finding their way up the short female urinary pipe and into the bladder. But some experts think that it is the unaccustomed sexual activity which bruises the urinary pipe and makes everything inflamed.

This common condition is not serious, but you must deal with it right away. The best thing to do is to go and see a doctor. Take with you a small specimen of your urine in a clean (and preferably sterile) container. The doctor can test this for you.

He will prescribe medicine and give you wise advice about sex and contraception.

Do not resume sex with your boyfriend until you are cured. You really should inform him that you have had cystitis. And make sure that he is gentle with you when you resume sexual contact.

Is she faking it?

Q. Doctor, do you think my fiancée is orgasming, or is she faking?

We have been together for a year now, and at the beginning, I used to question her about why she didn't orgasm. She said that she was climaxing. She started making a squeaking noise at the end of intercourse and tensed up her body. But how can I tell if she is really doing it or not?

A.  Research has shown that large numbers of women do fake orgasms - at least some of the time. Often, they do this to make the man feel good. Other times, a girl may do it because she is embarrassed that she has not climaxed. In fact, it is difficult for a guy to tell whether a female has orgasmed or not, especially if he is fairly young and inexperienced.

There are several signs which do indicate that orgasm has occurred, but they are not easy to detect, particularly in the dark. For instance, most women involuntarily curl their toes up when they 'come'. But I do not recommend that you suddenly start inspecting your fiancée's feet in bed. She might not be too pleased about that.

I feel that your best move is to have a chat with her, some time when you are not in the middle of having sex. Tell her that you are not sure whether she is really having orgasms or not, and see what she says.

If she claims that she is climaxing, then there is not very much more you can say. But if she admits that it has been difficult for her to orgasm, then the two of you could discuss ways in which you could help her to do so.

Bear in mind that the two most important things a guy can do in order to assist a lady to reach orgasm are:

Create a loving and romantic atmosphere;

Give plenty of stimulation to the clitoris, which is the key to female orgasm.

I do not know how soon you two are getting married, but before you do so, it would be a good idea for you both to have a little counselling from an older, experienced health professional such as a doctor or nurse.

Sexting danger

Q. Several of the girls at my college have been talking about 'sexting' and saying that it is harmless fun, but I am not so sure.

The other day, I received a text and a photo from a boy I know very slightly. The text said that I turned him on, and the picture showed the lower half of his body with no clothes on.

Some of my friends want me to reply to him and send him an intimate picture of me. They say it would be just like innocent flirting. However, I feel that this could lead to trouble.

A. You are right.These intimate and sexy picture that young girls and boys transmit to each other have a nasty way of being passed around to other people. Sometimes they even end up on the Internet.

People should be very wary about sexting. Almost exactly one year ago, the police warned that it could possibly be regarded as a crime under Jamaican law. However, I note that last spring, two researchers from the University of the West Indies published a paper in which they said it was widespread among people aged 15 to 25. The researchers pointed out that it could sometimes result in bullying and cybercrimes, and that in some cases, it had led to social as well as psychological damage.

So I do not think you should reply to this guy's sexy text. And you definitely should avoid sending him intimate photos of your body.

Instead, if you like the boy (and I am not totally convinced that you do), why not just talk to him about the possibility of going out on a date?

Is a condom reliable?

Q. I am keen to use condoms when I start having sex with girls, but is it as reliable as the Pill in preventing babies?

A. Not quite, but it's pretty good. Couples who use it properly will only have around a two per cent chance of pregnancy per year.

The Pill scores a little better than that. But of course, the Pill does not help protect you against sexual infections - which the condom generally does.

Please remember that for good results, you must follow the instructions on the leaflet that is supplied with many brands of condom. Above all, do what the manufacturers say about avoiding bareback sex. Put the condom on before you enter the young lady, and do not remove it until after you have withdrawn from her body.

Sex with a sadist?

Q I am 19-year-old nurse and I have met an older man who is very attractive, but he wants to tie me up and then (so he says) whip me. Doc, I don't like the sound of that.

A. Nor do I! These days, a little bit of gentle bondage in the bedroom is regarded by many experts as fairly harmless, but this older guy wants to hit you while you are tied up and helpless. He is clearly a sadist. Have nothing more to do with him!

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.