DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I'm in love with another man

• I'm in love with another man

Q Dear Doctor, I am a wife who has a dilemma! Sometimes I wonder if I have some sickness or if I am going mad. The fact is, I have fallen heavily for a man who is not my husband. I think about him night and day. To be honest, I long for his body, I can think of nothing more wonderful than having sex with him.

In fact, we have slept together once, when my husband was away for the night. Doctor, it was truly wonderful. I have never before reached such heights of ecstasy. I am in my 30s and have been married for a little over 15 years. I have two children and I love them dearly.  But, to be honest, I do not love my husband. I know that is a shocking admission, but it is true. When we got married, I thought I would grow to love him, but it just didn't happen. And over the years, he has steadily grown into a man who is more and more 'difficult' and angry. Sex with him is not very good.

Don't get me wrong. He has given me and the children a comfortable home and we do not lack for anything. But the laughter and fun have long gone out of our marriage. So when I met this other man a few months ago, it was like the sun coming up and smiling on my face! I was completely overwhelmed. He was immediately attracted to me, and it was very difficult to keep our hands off each other. When he kissed me for the first time, I thought my heart would burst.

Now I am in a situation where I cannot sleep properly. I have lost my appetite. When I think of him, my heart begins to beat uncontrollably and I even get short of breath. Doc, is there any chance I have some sort of sickness? Or do you think I am going crazy?

A No, I do not believe that you have any physical sickness, and I am sure you are not going crazy. What is abundantly clear is that you are in love - very deeply in love.  This does happen to people, when they meet someone who seems incredibly 'right' for them. Love can strike anyone, in their teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, or even later. The symptoms are often very like those of an illness, and it is very difficult to do anything to combat it.

So what are you to do? I must say that I do not think your marriage is going to survive. However, you have to consider the fact that you have two young children. The impact of a divorce on children is often very serious. They can become ill - both physically and emotionally. Therefore, I feel that you should try to postpone any separation or divorce as long as possible. That may not be easy, but you must try hard to think about your children's welfare.

As it relates to your lover, you didn't say whether he was married or not. I hope he isn't! If he has a wife at home, that could further complicate an already-difficult situation. My advice to you is to not have sex with him for the moment, no matter how difficult that may be. It would be a good idea if the two of you agreed on a 'time out'. Do not see each other for, say, the next three months. By the end of that period, it should be clearer if this love between you two is going to last or not. Only time will tell.

• Dealing with Cialis side effects

QDear Doc, I had a bit of problem with my erections, and my doctor gave me a prescription for a pill called Cialis. This worked very well and now I get very good erections. But whenever I take it, I get backache for a few hours. Why?

A Cialis (also known as 'tadalafil') is a pretty effective erection-inducing medication. But one of its possible side effects is back pain. Currently, backache induced by Cialis doesn't seem to be any cause for concern. But I think you should ask your doctor to switch you to one of the other erection-inducing drugs such as Viagra.

• Torn between two lovers

Q Doctor, I have to confess to you that I have two lovers. I do not know which of these men to chose and it may be that I will end up marrying neither of them.  What I find concerning is this. When I am having sex with one of them, everything is very nice and enjoyable. But I find sex with the other guy, uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. So what is going on, Doctor? Do you think the second guy has a VD or some kind of sexual infection?

A. No, I do not. That is definitely not a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection (STI). On the basis of probabilities, I would say that it is likely that, with the second guy, you are unconsciously 'tensing up'. When the muscles around a woman's vagina become tense, that immediately causes her discomfort, or even pain. It is possible that it means you want to choose the first guy over the second.  Although I feel that the explanation of your problem is psychological, I do think that you should now have an internal check-up from an experienced doctor. She can tell you if there is something amiss in the vagina.

• Do I have PE?

Q A woman I went to Mexico with told me that she thought I had 'premature ejaculation' (PE). I was deeply upset, doc. In fact, I generally 'last' for around 10 minutes. Surely that isn't premature, is it?

A. Well, I don't think that most doctors would diagnose you with 'PE', just because you climax after 10 minutes of intercourse. However, these days, some women do like a man who can go much longer. There have been studies that suggest that some women would prefer 30 minutes. Clearly, you didn't last long enough for her, so maybe in the future you could try and be a little more thoughtful and 'hold back' until your partner is ready.

• Sterility?

Q. Is there an injection that will make my man temporarily sterile?

A. No, not yet. Maybe in five years.