Don't break the bond
Published:Sunday | February 23, 2014 | 12:00 AM
Jody-Anne Lawrence, Gleaner Writer
Maya Angelou said it best: "I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings and gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood are conditions people have to work at."
It is always assumed that siblings get along because they are related by blood, but sibling rivalry is something that happens in many families.
Psychologist Doneisha Burke defines it as, "discord, animosity, and aggression among siblings, and this is specifically blood-related".
Burke mentioned that there is not a single cause that potentially leads to this form of division. It is based on the perception that a child might have about feeling that their sibling is the favourite and react to it. She emphasises this is a perception and not necessarily a true description of what is happening.
Children should be exposed to the same environment and treatment in the household, which will limit the implications of this happening.
Burke suggests that parents establish a balance and treat their children as equal as possible in every way.
"Ensure that you show love to all children. Offer the same opportunities so that all the children feel like they are part of the family and the same. Also, you must have some group family activities," Burke said.
OBSERVE THEM
She stated that parents should listen, observe, and communicate with their children so that they can identify any early signs of sibling rivalry. When they listen and observe how they communicate, a parent can see and sense the tension building in the relationship.
"Then parents need to speak about it. Tell them about even your relationship with your siblings and make it known that they might not always get along, but that they should love and respect each other," Burke added.
There is only so much that a parent can do and, if the children grow up with this animosity, then they would have to settle it as adults.
"One thing we have to accept is that some siblings will not always reconcile once it gets to adult stage. What we have to hope for is that they can be civil if they can't be friends," Burke stated.
She, however, believes that children must come together and talk it through. This should be done without judgement or blame so that both people can leave feeling better than how they came into the conversation.
Family is given, not chosen, and that's something that we cannot change. Sibling rivalry is something that we will all have a little of, but it doesn't have to turn into malice.