Dear Doc: A painful love life ...

A painful love life ...

Q: A pleasant day to you, Doctor. I am a 31-year-old wife from Havendale and my problem is that I have suddenly started getting pain whenever I have sex with my husband. It is deep inside me and made worse by his thrusting.

There is another fact which I must tell you about in strict confidence, so please do not print my name! I have an occasional and secret boyfriend, and although I also get the pain with him, it is not so bad.

Doctor, what do you think this could be? I have never had any problems in that area of my body, so I do not know what could be the matter. (PS: I have one child, age six. It was a normal delivery with no problems.)

A: I can reassure you that I never print anyone's name! Also, I have changed your personal details very slightly so that you will not be recognised by your friends.

Now, pain during intercourse can be because of many factors. But it must never be ignored, because sometimes it can have serious causes. In some women, the pain occurs for psychological reasons, because the mind makes the vaginal area go into a sort of 'muscle contract'. I do not think that is the likely cause in your case. However, it is possible that there might be a slight element of tension, in view of the fact that you get more pain when you are with your husband and less pain when you are with your boyfriend. Maybe you relax a little more with him.

But I feel it would be safest to assume that there is something physical, rather than psychological, going on here. Now, the common physical reasons for deep pain during intercourse include:

Tender cysts in the ovary - which can be hit by the tip of the penis;

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) - a long-lasting condition caused from infection earlier in life;

Cervicitis - which is inflammation of the cervix;

Interstitial cystitis - an inflammation of the bladder;

Fibroids - round swellings in the wall of the womb;

Endometriosis - a common condition in which little bits of womb lining occur in the wrong place, and it can be really tender.

If I had to guess, I would say that the likeliest diagnosis in a woman of just over 30 is endometriosis.

But what I am absolutely certain of is that you urgently need an internal examination and some tests. If you have a doctor, you should begin by seeing her. But it may well be that you end up consulting a 'gyno'.

Be of good cheer, because I am sure that this pain can be remedied.

Q: Hello, Doc. I am a guy who is married to a younger woman. From I reached 50, I have noticed where I sometimes cannot discharge inside her. The reason for this is that, after around 20 minutes, I tend to lose my erection. Would Viagra help me?

A: Well, it is quite common for men aged over 50 to find that they cannot really 'last' long enough to reach an orgasm. In cases like that, one of the Viagra group of medications can be really helpful. So I suggest you ask your doctor if he would prescribe some for you. Good luck.

Q:Greetings. I am a divorcee, age 33, living near MoBay. I recently met a most interesting American guy. We got on really well and sex with him was pretty good. Now he has suggested that, the next time he comes to Jamaica, we should get married.

Doctor, I am inclined to agree, but one thing is puzzling me. When we were in bed one night, he mentioned that he was into something called 'polyamory'. I did not know what that meant, but I did not want to seem ignorant, so I just said 'Oh, yes'.

He has his own website, and that also mentions that he is involved in 'polyamory'. However, the site does not say what that is. Could you enlighten me? Would it affect my plans to marry him?

A: Well, I think that what I am about to say may possibly come as a bit of a shock to you. 'Polyamory' is a practice that has developed in the USA, and particularly California, during recent years.

The basic idea is that a couple should have as many 'outside' relationships as they wish, but with each other's knowledge and consent. Among some people who practise polyamory, there is an acceptance of the idea that these other relationships could be with either men or women.

In other words, if you married this guy, you would possibly find that he wanted to have sexual intimacy with not only other women, but also with other men. And he would possibly encourage you to go to bed with other males - and with other females.

I am not here to criticise other people's lifestyles, but I think you will appreciate that polyamory is not everybody's 'cup of tea'.

Q:Some years ago when I was working in England, I got myself a vasectomy. Then I came home to Jamaica and married a lady who I love deeply. Naturally, she knows about my vasectomy and, therefore, about the fact that I am sterile. She does not want to have children.

Well Doc, the other day I was looking for something in the bathroom cupboard and I found that she had contraceptive pills in there. From the date on the packet, it was obvious that she has been on the Pill for some months. Her name was on the label.

This has really shocked me. I presume it means that she is cheating on me. What do you think?

A: This was a most alarming discovery for you. I must tell you that there is just a chance that your wife is taking the Pill as a 'cycle regulator'. That is the term which is employed when a lady uses the oral contraceptive in order to make her menses more regular and also to render them lighter and pain-free.

But you have to face the sad possibility that your wife is having sex with some other guy. I think that all you can do is find a quiet time together so that you can have a long, uninterrupted talk. Tell her that you have found the pills and see what she says. Please try not to get mad. Coolness of mind is important.

Q:Doctor, I am thinking of going on the 'contraceptive skin patch' you mentioned. But, is it reliable?

A: Yes, it's very reliable - provided that you remember to put the patches on your skin! It is called 'Evra', and it contains two female-type hormones, just like the Pill. You stick a patch on an area of non-hairy skin, like on your arm, belly or buttocks - but not on the breasts.

You change the patch for a fresh one each week. And at the end of three weeks, you have a week's break, during which you'll have the menses. Write to me if you want further information.