DOCTOR'S ADVICE - My husband carried viagra on his business trip

• My husband carried viagra on his business trip

Q  Doc, please help a worried wife. I urgently need some good advice about my husband. He has just left for England on a three-month work contract. Immediately before he left for the airport, I was checking through his luggage. To my amazement, I found eight packets of Viagra tablets. They had his name on the label. I was too stunned to say anything to him. After he left, I sat down and cried. I did not sleep that night. Doctor, what is going on? Should I write a letter to him? Is it possible that he has some medical reason for having those tablets - like an illness? If I asked his doctor, would he tell me why he has prescribed them?

A No, his doctor could not tell you anything about your husband's medical details. He has to observe the important ethical duty of confidentiality to his patients.

As to whether the Viagra pills could have been for some illness, I am afraid that is almost impossible. As you know, Viagra is a drug which is used to promote erections. It has practically no other uses, except very occasionally in the field of heart surgery.

So it does very much look as though your husband got the Viagra pills in order to help him have sex. It is possible that he obtained the tablets in order to help him have intercourse with you. And he might claim that he packed them in his luggage by mistake.

But that explanation does not seem very likely. On the basis of probabilities, I would say that it is likely that your husband intends to use the pills in order to have sexual intercourse when he gets to England. Maybe he already has a girlfriend there - who knows?

You noted that he has taken eight packets of Viagra with him. As there are four tablets in a pack, that suggests that he is hoping to have sex around 32 times in his 90-day stay in England. So I do not think that he is planning to lead a chaste, monastic life while he is abroad.

I am sure that you are aware that this discovery is a warning that your marriage is in great danger. So I urge you to contact your husband right away, by email, text or phone (writing a letter would be far too slow). Tell him what you found and ask for an immediate explanation.

• Will prostate surgery affect my sex life?

Q Doc, I recently took a prostate operation and then I got married to a younger woman. She wants to have children.  I can manage to have sex with her, though it feels different from before. But what is concerning me is that when I orgasm, no fluid comes out. So how can I manage get her pregnant?

A Sorry to hear about this. Any man who is going to take a prostate operation should be made aware that the surgery will probably disrupt his sex life.  You are fortunate in that you can still have sex and indeed you can 'discharge'. But very often, what happens after prostate surgery is that the sperm-containing fluid does not come out. Instead, it goes back into the bladder and mixes with the urine.

In fact, you may notice that next time you urinate after sex, it has a 'creamy' tinge. That is because of the seminal fluid in it. I quite understand that you and your new wife want to have children, and this is still technically possible, though very difficult. Doctors who are experts in the fertility field have found that it is actually possible to extract the sperm from the man's urine and bring them into contact with the woman's 'eggs' (ova). Unfortunately, it would be very expensive to have this done.

• Husband does not want to stimulate clitoris

Q When I am having sex with my husband, I cannot have an orgasm. The reason is that he cannot be bothered to touch my clitoris. He says that 'it does nothing for him'.  Doc, if I bought a little vibrator, would I be able to use it during sex to help me reach orgasm?

A Yes, that would be perfectly possible. Naturally, your husband would be aware of it. But he might discover that he actually likes the 'buzz' that he will be able to feel.  You should talk to him about why he isn't interested in stimulating your clitoris. Perhaps he does not realise that the clitoris is the woman's equivalent of the male penis?

• Twice a week too little

Q I am a 42-year-old man and I am slightly worried that these days I only have sex around twice a week. Am I gradually losing my nature, Doc?

ACertainly not! Frequency of intercourse does decline very slowly with age. For a man who is in his 40s, twice a week is slightly above average, so you should stop worrying.

• Is 'vaginal smoking' safe?

Q I have a new boyfriend who is a lot of fun. He has suggested that I learn how to do the 'vaginal smoking' trick, which he says would be very entertaining.  But isn't it dangerous, Doc?

A You bet it is! There has been quite a lot of publicity about 'vaginal smoking' since someone did it at a party in St Catherine. It was taped and ended up on YouTube.  There are several variations of this crazy trick. In the most common one, the woman uses her pelvic muscles to 'suck' air into her vagina. Then she places a lighted cigarette in her opening in the same way as one might do with one's mouth. After that, she 'puffs' smoke.

I cannot tell you how unwise this is. To begin with, you may burn her vulva (the opening of her vagina). Also, because a lit cigarette produces a lot of cancer-causing chemicals, it can cause serious harm to the inside of the vagina and cervix.  Are you sure you wish to continue with a boyfriend who wants you to do foolish stunts?

• Drug for premature ejaculation

Q Doc, is it true that there is now a drug called 'dapoxetine' which will help premature ejaculation (PE)?

A Yes. But it is expensive and the results are not that great. If you have bad 'PE', I think you should talk to your doctor, and he can prescribe an antidepressant called 'clomipramine'. It is cheap and has much the same 'orgasm-delaying' ability as dapoxetine.

• Large fibroids

QI have very large fibroids in my womb and they are interfering with my sex life. But I do not want to take an operation, Doc. I have heard that there is some new drug that will help treat fibroids. Is this correct?

A: You need to talk to a gynaecologist about this, but there is now a drug called 'ulipristal' which can be used to shrink fibroids, mainly as a prelude to surgery.