DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Unfaithful wife?

Q: Doctor, I am tormented by the idea that my wife is cheating on me. Let me explain. I am a very successful businessman and, because of that, I am away quite a lot. When I return home, I am invariably desperate for sex with my beautiful wife. I love her very much.

But on the last few occasions that I have returned home, I have noticed that she has been extraordinarily wet, as if someone else had also had sex with her. Also, she has been tremendously 'turned on' and ready to climax at the drop of a hat. I only have to touch her in that area and she immediately orgasms.

And then a friend of mine has told me that a guy who was at school with her has been very friendly towards her recently and has given her a lift to the shopping plaza.  Doc, this is really eating into my heart. I am constantly worrying that she is having an affair with that old school friend. I have not mentioned my feelings to her.

A: It is very unfortunate that you have not spoken to your wife about your feelings. Bottling things up like this is not a good idea. You are suffering from what is sometimes called 'the Othello complex'. This means that a husband (often a powerful and successful guy) loves his wife so much that he is terrified he will lose her. Therefore, he starts seizing on silly scraps of 'evidence' which he thinks may suggest she is being unfaithful.

Things are made worse when the man has a 'helpful' friend who starts saying that another man has been very friendly to the wife. You should ignore your friend! Let us just look at the so-called 'evidence'. There are, in fact, only two things:

• 1. Your wife is very wet when you get home. Medically, this could not possibly be the result of her having sex with someone else - unless they had done it just before you arrived at the front door. In fact, the likely explanation is that she gets very excited by the thought of her beloved husband coming home - and by the knowledge that he will immediately make love to her.
• 2. Your wife is very 'turned on' and is ready to orgasm as soon as you give her any love play. But this is not evidence! It merely indicates that your spouse loves you a lot and enjoys having sex with you. You should be proud of that.

So, on the basis of what you have told me, I think that the chances of your wife being unfaithful are very small. What you must do now is to sit down with her and talk to her about your fears. You should prepare yourself for her to be very upset. But it is only by 'clearing the air' that you are going to get this marriage out of a very dangerous situation. I wish you both well.

Q: I am a 41-year-old married woman with two children. Recently, my menses have been very heavy and very irregular, with some bleeding in-between. Can I safely assume that this is just 'early menopause'?

A: No way! It is very dangerous for a woman to think that irregular bleeding is because of menopause. Also, at your age you are too young to be experiencing menopause. In general, irregular menses and bleeding between periods are matters which needs sorting out by a doctor. This is because of the fact that sometimes these symptoms are the result of cancer. So do not waste time. Please go and see your doctor for an internal examination and possible tests.

Q: Hello, Doc. My wife has to do a 'prolapse' operation very shortly. Does this mean the end of our sex life?

A: No, not at all. A prolapse is a 'caving in' of the womb and, often, the vaginal walls. It is extremely common and is caused from childbirth - particularly repeated childbirth. There are various operations for prolapse, but the general idea is to put everything back in its place. Often, the gynaecologist also has to remove the womb. But he does not remove the vagina or the clitoris.

Therefore, the woman can continue to enjoy a happy and fulfilling sex life after the operation. But it is very important for you to note that your wife will not be able to have intercourse until everything is healed. That might take a few months, but she will be given more precise advice by her gynaecologist. Cheer up! During those two months or so, there is no reason why the two of you should not amuse yourselves with kisses, cuddles, and love play.

Q: I am a 26-year-old female and, ever since I had an affair with a guy in New York, I have had a yellowish discharge. It makes me very sore as well. Before I left America, I had a quick consultation with a doctor and she told me she thought it was something called 'trichomonas'. But she told me that I needed further tests and I did not have time for these, nor for any treatment. What should I do? Help!

A: Trichomoniasis (pronounced 'try - ko - MOAN - ass') is quite a common cause of vaginal discharge. The liquid tends to be yellowish-green and bubbly, and everything is very sore.

I cannot say for certain that you got this as a result of having sex with that guy in New York. What you must do now is to see a gynaecologist. She can do a test for trichomonas. Assuming it's positive, she will give you oral treatment with a drug called metronidazole. This will cure you. Please do not have sex with anyone until you are completely better.

Q: I am a Gleaner reader in England and five years ago I had a vasectomy. Now, to my amazement, my wife is pregnant! She absolutely denies having sex with anyone else, Doc. But what am I to think?

A: Well, the vasectomy operation does have a very small 'failure rate'. This is generally estimated as about one in 1,000. So, it may be that you are one of those rare 'failures' and that you have some sperm in your seminal fluid. You could, if you wish, ask your doctor for a sperm test. Also, you and your wife need to talk things over with an expert, perhaps at your local family planning clinic. She will help you to look at the possibilities. My bet is that your operation was unsuccessful and that you are 'leaking' some sperm. If so, you may want to consider having it done again. Or, perhaps you and your wife may choose some other form of contraception.