Dear doc: I was seduced, now I might have an STD

Q Dear Doctor, I am in a state of panic. I have been happily married for 13 years and I have never looked at another man.

A month ago, we got a new member of staff at the hospital where I work. He is a very charismatic, talented man, and a lot of people are in awe of him.

Well, shortly after he arrived, we had a function with a few drinks. I must admit that I am not used to alcohol, so it had an effect on me. The new co-worker came up to me and we talked. Then, he drew me into a quiet corner and told me I was a 'very lovely lady'.

At the end of the function, he offered to drive me home. Half-way there, he stopped the car, put his arms round me and gave me a series of passionate kisses. Doc, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly, I was lying back and he was caressing my private parts. Five minutes later, he persuaded me and I had sex with him.

He orgasmed, and so did I - several times. Then he drove me home and kissed me 'good night'. I went in, and did not tell my husband what had happened.

I resolved to have nothing more to do with this man even though he was so attractive and romantic. But a week ago, he called me. I don't know how he got my telephone number, but he has such a powerful personality that he probably found it out quite easily.

Anyway, he explained to me that he was extremely sorry, but he had just been diagnosed with some kind of VD or STD. I didn't recognise the name of the condition. But he told me that I should see a doctor immediately and get treated.

What do you think, Doc? Is it likely that I have picked up some germ from him? And if so, could I have given it to my husband?

A Oh dear! This is very unfortunate! Well, it often happens that a woman is overwhelmed by the personality of an attractive and powerful man, add a little alcohol, and the results can be disastrous.

I am sorry that this has happened to you. But let us look at the facts clearly.

First, I can see no reason why this man should lie to you. He probably does have an infection. It is a small point in his favour that he took the trouble to inform you that he had been diagnosed with an STD. And it does not sound as if he called you with any intention of seeing you again, or seducing you again.

Now if he has an STD, it is highly likely that you have it, too. You do not mention any symptoms, but in in the case of women, very often, they have no symptoms at all in the early stages.

It is a pity that you did not catch the name he mentioned. But statistically, the likely candidates are gonorrhoea ('the clap') and chlamydia.

So it is possible that you have the germ of one of these inside your body. It is very important that you see a doctor immediately, so that you can be diagnosed and treated with the right antibiotics! The faster you do this, the better.

Have you had sex with your husband since that evening? If you have, then there is a chance that you might have given him the infection, and he may need treatment too.

However, you can postpone doing anything about that until you have seen a doctor and obtained a definite diagnosis.

One final possibility remains. We have been assuming that your co-worker gave you the infection. However, there has to be a small chance that you were already infected and gave him the germ.

If that were the case, then the germ must have come from somewhere. And the obvious source would be ... your husband.

So, there are still quite a few problems to work out here. Write to me again and let me know what happens and if I can be of further help.

Q I am living in the United States and my girlfriend wants me to get a vasectomy.

But Doc, I am scared because I don't know where they would cut me! Do they make a cut in the penis?

ANo. They generally make two little 'nicks' in the skin of the scrotum. Then, working through those two incisions, they cut through the vas - which is the tube that carries sperm upwards from the testicle towards the penis.

So you don't have to worry about your male organs.

Q My husband used to use the condom, but now he has asked me to go on the Pill. I actually like taking it, because it controls my menses.

But what I do not like is the fact that sex is now so messy. Can I do anything about that?

AA lot of women who stop using condoms find that sex becomes 'messy', and dislike the fact that there is a lot of fluid afterwards.

But I am afraid that the only thing you can do is to ask your spouse to resume using the condom. If he is reluctant to do this, then one answer would be for you to start using the female condom, which you can buy at any pharmacy.

Q My wife is going to get sterilised. Will this affect my sex life in any way, Doc? Will I be able to feel anything different?

ANo, female sterilisation has no effect at all on the male partner. But you will not be able to have intercourse until the doctors say that it is OK for you both to do so. That is usually a few weeks, depending on which surgical technique of sterilisation has been used.

Q I have four children and so I've decided to have a 'coil' put in. But I am dreading the insertion of this thing, Doc!

Will it be terribly painful? Also, how soon after will my husband and I be able to have sex? He does not like being deprived of it.

A For women who have children, the insertion of an IUD doesn't usually hurt a lot. But get your husband to drive you home afterwards. I suggest you tell him no sex for a week.