'Bun' and 'gees'!

By Garth A. Rattray

In Jamaica, a bun may be a flour-based, spicy baked product, but it could also mean being sexually unfaithful. During the Easter season, we often give others the traditional Jamaican bun and cheese. However, when some get that other type of 'bun', they woefully exclaim, "Gees!"

Is the severe emotional pain that 'bun' causes when it's discovered a psychological reaction? Is it a socially learnt reaction, or is it a bit of both? Is it a sin against Almighty God, against nature, against society, against mankind or is it a sin at all?

Some of the Jewish faith have opined that the whole fornication and adultery thing had little to do with sinning against God and much more to do with the need to maintain societal peace and stability by keeping blood lines orderly and predictable. So perhaps fornication and adultery are sins against society.

Men and women do not react in the same way when they find out that their spouse has given, or is giving, them 'bun'. Deep inside, men know that women are more into emotions than they are. And, women know that men tend to be more physical. So, when a man gives a woman 'bun', she reasons that he may not be in love with the other woman and that it is probably just a fling - even if it lasts for years.

Merely physical relationships

Although she will be very upset and feel disrespected because the other woman is sharing what should be private and intimate to her alone, she may feel that her man is just using the other woman for his pleasure. So, if he gets caught and says, "She meant nothing to me," he has a good chance of being forgiven.

However, when a man learns that his woman is giving him 'bun', his feelings get hurt in many ways. Because men know that women are more into emotions and feelings, he will feel that the other man means more to her than just a physical encounter. The relationship probably goes deeper than just mere hanky-panky.

And, since a woman has to surrender herself physically and emotionally for intimacy to take place, the man realises that 'his woman' surrendered to, and was conquered by, a (rival) male who is probably just using her for his pleasure. Now he sees her as being defiled.

And, of course, there is the feeling that he must be inferior to the other male in God only knows how many ways.

So, in my opinion, men suffer more hurt than women do when they get 'bun'. In addition to denying all affection for the other man, the best way for a woman to mitigate the situation is for her to announce, "He was not nearly as good as you (in bed)."

Women more forgiving

Then there was that very interesting survey conducted in the United States a few years ago. The questionnaire was designed to ascertain which kind of infidelity was more likely to harm a relationship. Well ... women are more likely to forgive a sexual affair than they are to forgive an emotional one.

And, polygamy and polyandry exist in several societies across the globe. Are they innately sinful? If no one is being hurt by them, are they still sinful? Can the sexual act, a psycho-physiological function, be an affront to God? Does 'sin' depend on the circumstance and on the society? Does it depend on whether someone is hurt by it?

Most people are not naturally monogamous. Therefore, is this whole sexual intercourse thing being blown out of proportion? Or, are the consequences of inappropriate sexual intercourse so potentially devastating that it is some sort of sin?

I don't have the answers to those questions, but true love can survive the hottest 'bun' and solid relationships can survive the loudest, "Gees!"

Garth A. Rattray is a medical doctor with a family doctor. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and garthrattray@gmail.com.