DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I want to take Viagra

Q: Doc, I am interested in taking Viagra, because I need a little 'help' in the bedroom. But I am worried that if I take it and I am not able to have sex after, that something will happen to me. I have heard this can be dangerous.

A: That is not true. Very often, a man takes Viagra and then finds that for some reason his partner is unavailable, or perhaps guests arrive at the house!  In those circumstances, nothing bad will happen. Lots of men think that they will explode or something. But this is just not true. If the man thinks about sex, or if there is somehow some friction of his clothes against his organ, then he will probably get an erection. But this is no big deal and it will go away.

Q: Doctor, I am a woman whose 'sexual and biological clock' is ticking! I need your medical advice as to what I should do. You see, I have always wanted a child and so badly that my life will not be complete without one. I can now see '40' on the horizon. I have never married, though I have had a few wonderful sexual relationships over the years. (Unfortunately, the men both married someone else.)

What it comes down to is that I would like to get pregnant as soon as possible. I hope it would not be too difficult. I have always been healthy, and my menses are very regular, lasting around four to five days. I can tell when I ovulate, because the quality of my vaginal secretions changes.  I have no discharge or other 'symptoms', and I did have a Pap smear and a check-up from a gynaecologist a year ago and got a clean bill of health. So, I am resolved to conceive, preferably in the next six months. But who is to be the father?

I do know one guy who wants to marry me. He is an old friend of my family. I suppose he is not too bad looking, but I could not call him handsome. More important, I cannot honestly say that I like him all that much. His attitudes are very old-fashioned, and I get bored of his company rather quickly.  But my mother and my sister are urging me to marry him. They are saying it is 'my last chance'.  What do you think, Doc? Should I go ahead and marry him in order to have a baby even though I do not really like him much?

A: I think it would be crazy for you to marry this man who you do not even like. I quite understand your feelings that you desperately want to have a child, but this is not a good way to achieve it.

Over the years, I have been consulted by several women who were in much the same situation as you and who would have done almost anything to conceive. One or two of them actually got married to unsuitable men, for the sole purpose of having a child. But they regretted it. One of them was divorced within a year. Another found herself with a husband who complained endlessly about having been treated as 'a sperm factory'.

So what else can you do? Well, you could possibly have a child through artificial insemination by a donor. You seem to travel quite a lot, and in New York it would be easy, though expensive, for you to do that.  Of course, you would have to be very sure that you can raise a child on your own, though a lot of women before you have done that.  There is always the possibility of adopting. That can be extremely rewarding. But whatever you do, you should avoid marrying a man who you don't love and who you appear to actually dislike.

Q: My menses have been very heavy for years, and that is making my sex life very difficult and I am very keen on sex, Doctor. Now I have been offered the choice of a hysterectomy or a Mirena coil.  Which is better, Doc?

A: Hysterectomy - the surgical removal of the womb, use to be a tremendously common operation. But recently, it has become a less frequent method because doctors have found other ways of treating female problems. In particular, Mirena - which is the hormone-loaded coil, has proven so effective in controlling heavy periods that a lot of women have been able to avoid doing a hysterectomy.

I cannot really say which of these treatments would suit you best. It has to be your individual choice. But a hysterectomy is quite a major surgery, and it takes time to recover from it. Also, you would not be able to have sex for weeks, and your orgasms would probably feel different afterwards. In contrast, having a Mirena put in is a pretty minor procedure. It doesn't interfere with your sex life and, if you don't like it, you can always have it taken out.

Q: My partner and I have always 'ridden bareback'. But now she wants to start using those female condoms, Doc. Would this affect me? Could I become allergic to it? And is it true that it makes a distracting noise? What are the drawbacks?

A: You don't sound too positive about your partner's choice of the female condom (Femidom). But it shouldn't have any negative effects on you. I have not seen any male patients who have become allergic to it.M  It is true that early models of the female condom used to make noise, but I am told that problem has been resolved.

The only other thing you need be concerned about is that you take care when having sex, ensuring that you place your penis inside the female condom. If you mistakenly point it down the outside of the device, then your sperms could get into the womb and cause a pregnancy.  For this reason, I usually recommend that couples do not use it in the dark, where they cannot see what they are doing.

Q: My wife has developed a 'spot' on the outside of her vagina. Does this indicate cheating, Doc?

A: No, it doesn't. But she should have this 'spot' checked out by a doctor, in case it is anything serious.