Dear Doc: Women think I'm too small

Q: I have not had sex since I was 18 years old because women laugh at the size of my penis.

I am now 30, and would like to resume my sex life. These days, I measure 5.5 inches in length.

Would women still laugh at me?

A: No, they would not. Recent research in Mexico shows that five and a half inches is actually about average.

Q: Doc, I am a loving wife who is having marriage problems. Is there any medicine that would help me?

I am 31 years old, and have been married to a good and faithful man for almost four years. He loves me, and assures me of that every day. But the problem is that he is a highly sexed man, while I have practically no interest in sex at all.

After we got married, this was a big disappointment to him. He told me that he expected me to be 'wild and tigerish' in bed. But I am not. I just lie there, and let him 'get on with it'.

I suppose I do have some sexual feelings. In fact, I have climaxed a few times, but always on my own. I thought about my husband while I was doing it. Doc, what pill or medicine could I take which would make me into the sexy and passionate woman that my husband really wants? Would Viagra help me?

A: This is a very common story. Some doctors would say that you have something called 'Female Sexual Arousal Disorder' or 'FSAD'. There have been claims that in the United States, around 43 per cent of women have this 'disorder'.

Personally, I do not regard women like yourself as suffering from a 'disorder'. It seems to me that women like you have just not yet been sexually awakened. They usually have the capacity to enjoy sexual 'action', but the process has not been switched on yet.

Unfortunately, I have to tell you that there is still no medication - pills or injections - which will make a woman more interested in sex. From time to time, drug companies announce some new product which is alleged to 'boost female libido', but again and again, these products turn out to be useless.

Pharmaceutical companies will, I am sure, eventually invent a pill which will make women interested in sex. But at the moment, there is really nothing. A few doctors give women testosterone (that is, male hormone) injections to try and boost their desire. But the results are unimpressive.

You ask about Viagra, but sadly, this has turned out to be pretty useless on women. All it can do is increase the flow of vaginal lubrication.

So what can be done about your marital problem? Well, the great thing is that you and your husband love each other. That gives me reason to be optimistic about the outlook!

You have noted that there have been occasions when you have orgasmed, but always on your own while thinking about your husband. This does clearly show that your 'apparatus' is in working order.

So I feel that you should build on that discovery. Please tell your husband (if he does not know already) that you have managed to climax while thinking about him. He may be pleased by that!

I suggest that you show him exactly what method you have used to make yourself orgasm. This may well be finger-pressure on the clitoris. Next, you should ask him to do exactly the same thing to you, when you are both in a relaxed and loving situation. I hope that this 'experiment' will show that he can excite you to an orgasm, and that will create an even stronger bond between you two. But really, the two of you need to do more than that. I strongly recommend that you find a therapist or counsellor who knows about marital and sexual matters, and who could help the two of you to find greater happiness in the bedroom.

Q: Doc, I am a 34-year-old man and I just read on the Internet that 'statins will boost your sex life'. Is that true? Would these drugs help me?

A: I am not sure why you need any help, but let me explain statins.

As you know, these are drugs which lower a person's cholesterol. The idea is that it will reduce the chances of heart attacks and strokes.

What you have heard about is new research which suggests that:

Cholesterol 'furs up' people's arteries, that is, their blood-carrying tubes in the lower part of the stomach.

These narrowed arteries can reduce the blood flow to the penis. That can make men 'lose their nature'.

But statins can help open up the arteries again.

There may be some truth in this. But the top researcher of this study says that there is no point in a man taking statins unless he has high cholesterol.

Q: My doctor, who is quite an old-fashioned woman, wants me to try the diaphragm as a form of contraception.

I understand that you put it in the vagina before sex. But can't the man feel it with his penis?

A: No. If the correct size diaphragm is chosen, it is kind of 'tucked up' behind the pubic bone. In that position, no man is going to feel it.

Please note that if he put his finger inside you, he would be able to feel it. But that is not usually a problem.

Q: I am 24 years old and my husband is 26. We have been having sex together for over a year now. But still we have difficulty in timing our climaxes so that we orgasm together.

Any suggestions, Doc?

A: Recent research has shown that most couples have difficulty with this. But it does tend to become easier as you get older, and grow more used to each other's sexual reactions.

One plan which is successfully used by a lot of couples is that the man tries to ensure that the woman orgasms first. As soon as he feels that she is on the brink, then he increases his pace, and with luck he catches up and is able to climax within a second or two after her.

Q: My doctor wants me to stop taking the Pill, because she says I now have blood pressure, and several other 'risk factors'.

So could I switch to that Evra skin patch, Doc?

A: I would not recommend it. The contraceptive patch contains exactly the same hormones as the Pill. So for you, the dangers of using it would be similar.

You would do well to switch to some other method, such as the mini-Pill, the IUD (coil) or Mirena.