Good motherhood is learnt

By Garth Rattray

More often than not, whenever I ask for the paternal family history, I get a blank stare or a reply telling me that they know very little or absolutely nothing about their father and his side of the family. Of course, this bodes badly for the patient, as exactly half of their risk factors for possible serious diseases are unknown to us.

Since a whole lot of Jamaican 'fathers' (more like, sperm donors) have partially or totally abdicated their responsibility to raise their progeny, mothers and grandmothers have been forced to go it alone.

A lot of people assume that mothers are usually good at raising children. Undeniably, they deserve a lot of kudos, but quite a number of women are clueless about bringing up children properly (especially their boys). They just follow their 'maternal instincts' (whatever that is).

One of my most horrifying and revealing experiences occurred way back in the mid 1990's. I was sitting on a veranda, waiting on the family to prepare a bedridden patient for me to examine at home. A mother in her late 20's sent her little boy, a toddler, for something... I did not hear what she sent him for. When I saw him returning with one of the biggest kitchen knives that I had ever seen, I made no alarm for fear of surprising him. But as soon as he handed the thing over to his mother, I reprimanded her severely.

She seemed unperturbed during my protracted admonition. However, after she used the knife to calmly peel an orange, she put it on a nearby parapet wall. The toddler took it up and began playing with it. Embarrassed and annoyed, she sought to discipline him by shouting, "You wah me wipe it craas yuh neck, bwoy?"

Violence begets violence

I often wonder what became of that young man. He must have heard his own mother use the threat of deadly violence to reprimand him on many occasions. I've heard short-tempered mothers threaten to 'box' or punch their kids in the mouth because they cried for ice cream. Such children are likely to commit violent acts on anyone.

Then, at the other end of the spectrum, a good friend of mine ended up raising three boys alone. Each would leave a trail of school bags, books, shoes, socks, shirts, and pants all the way into their sty-like room. She always picked up after them, spent all day Saturday cleaning the entire house, including their room, washing all their clothes, cooking, transporting them around, and so on. She relieved them of every single responsibility.

Her boys spent hours hanging out with friends and playing games outside. Homework was optional. Expressing my concern for their lack of responsibilities/discipline, accession to peer pressure and poor study habits were always met with, "Is so boy pickney stay". In fact, she became angry/defensive/protective at my intrusive comments, and it destroyed our friendship.

Big children

Those 'boys' grew into 30-plus-year-old men lacking basic academic qualifications and viable skills. They all live ('cotch') with their elderly mother who has to hustle/struggle to pay basic bills.

Some mothers encourage or 'rent' out their young or underage girls to be with older/rich men for financial gain. Some send their kids out on the streets to hustle, and others cover up murderous acts and/or literally wash the bloodied clothes of their killer sons.

Good motherhood is not natural... it is learnt, and it, therefore, needs to be taught. Many of our dangerous criminals have poor or no positive fatherly influence, coupled with poor motherhood, that significantly contribute to their criminal behaviour.

Jamaica needs a formalised and sustained education-based programme to teach all females how to be good mothers.

Garth Rattray is a medical doctor with a family practice. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and garthrattray@gmail.com.