Dear Doc: I orgasm when I breastfeed

Q: Doctor, I am 28 years old and a wife and mother. But I have to confess something so awful that I cannot believe it is happening. I feel like a very evil person.

A month ago, I gave birth to my first child - a baby boy. My husband and I were both delighted. Naturally, I decided to breastfeed, and I found this very easy.

But then the most terrible thing happened. One day when I was feeding the baby, I had an orgasm. I could not believe it, I thought maybe I had dreamt it.

But the next day, the same thing happened again. I was walking around the bedroom feeding the child, and suddenly, my whole body was racked with a sort of convulsion as I climaxed.

This terrible phenomenon has happened several times since then. I feel I must be the most perverted woman in the world. Am I crazy? And should I give up breastfeeding?

A: Please relax, and accept what I am going to tell you-you are not 'perverted' at all.

You see, what is happening to you has nothing to do with lustful thoughts about your child or anything like that. These orgasms are thought to be caused by a hormone which is produced during lactation.

In fact, the phenomenon of climaxing during breastfeeding is well known to medical science. It happens quite often, but is a very taboo subject and people rarely talk about it.

But if you type the words 'orgasm' and 'breastfeeding' into Google, you will immediately see that there are over six million results. You will also see that doctors theorise that these climaxes are due to the effects of two hormones- oxytocin and prolactin, which are involved in lactation and also in sexual function.

So the point is that these orgasms are not your fault! They are just something that happens (against their will) to quite a few women during lactation.

They have nothing to do with your baby, and there is no need for you to give up breastfeeding him. These spontaneous climaxes will cease after you have finished breastfeeding.

Q: Doctor, my wife has confessed to me that she has been with another woman. Apparently, this was a year ago, and the woman has now left the country, never to return (I hope). My wife does not know where she is, and they are not in contact.

At first, I was very angry, but we had some counselling, and that helped a lot. Now I have forgiven her and she says she loves me and I believe her.

I think we are going to be able to keep this marriage alive, which is a good thing because we have two children, ages eight and nine.

But what is worrying me is, could my wife have picked up some kind of venereal disease from that other woman or even HIV?

And if that has happened, could she now have given me the infection? We have sex regularly, about two-to-three times a week.

A: Can I congratulate you on showing such a spirit of forgiveness? I hope you will succeed in keeping this marriage going, especially as you have two young children.

Now, as it relates to sexually transmitted infections (STIs), they can be transmitted by 'lesbian' sexual activity. But those lesbian practices are actually less likely to transmit a VD than 'straight' sexual activity.

As for HIV, I have never seen a case in which one woman gave the virus to another, though transmission is technically possible.

Summing up, I think that the odds are against your wife having acquired a sexual disease from that other woman. But, and this is very important, there is one infection which is so common these days that anyone who has an illicit relationship (whether with a man or a woman) could pick it up. This is chlamydia. This bug has become almost epidemic throughout the Americas (including the Caribbean), Europe and much of Asia. There is so much of it around that I always advise anyone who has been 'cheating' to get tested for it just in case. The test is very simple, and is usually done on a urine specimen.

But you may think, 'if we had chlamydia, wouldn't we have symptoms?' No. One of the things about chlamydia is that, in the early stages, it often does not produce any symptoms at all. So a lot of people have it but do not know that it is lurking there, causing internal damage.

Summing up, I feel that you and your wife should both go to your doctor for a check-up and get tested for chlamydia. I hope the doctor is able to give you a 'clean bill of health'. However, even if either or both of you have chlamydia, it can easily be treated with antibiotics. Good luck.

Q: I am a 33-year-old man and I have had diabetes since I was 16 years old.

Recently, I have had a very sore foreskin. It is very painful, and it is making it almost impossible for me to have sex with my partner.

Please help.

A: When a man is diabetic, after years of urinating, his foreskin often becomes inflamed and cracked. Also, a fungus infection may develop, because the little fungi love sugar. So everything becomes very painful. It is not surprising that you can't have sex at the moment.

Sometimes, it is possible to improve the situation by using an anti-fungal cream several times a day, and that would be worth trying. But also, I think you should see a urologist (a surgeon who specialises in urinary matters). He will have a look at your foreskin and be able to advise you to take a circumcision operation.

Q: I am a woman who has a problem that no one else does, doc. I am very embarrassed to tell you this, but it concerns oral sex. You see, my husband loves to do it, and it has turned out to be the only certain way of making me climax. But the problem is that, after he is finished, he likes to kiss me while he has intercourse with me.

I just cannot stand the taste or odour of vagina on his lips! I am sorry to admit this, but it is an enormous problem for me.

A: You are certainly not alone in having this problem. A lot of women really dislike the taste and smell.

Now the first thing you must do is to discuss it with your husband. I hope he will understand your feelings and take the appropriate action. All he has to do is to keep a damp, soapy cloth by the bed. After he has performed oral sex on you, he should wipe his lips thoroughly with that - problem solved.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.