Dam it to hell

By Patria-Kaye Aarons

It's said that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. By that definition, I declare that the minister of water is mad as shad.

For as long as I can remember, we have had water woes. Summer holidays have meant no school, less traffic, parties, the threat of hurricanes, and water lock-offs. There are always the announcements by the National Water Commission (NWC) that the Mona Reservoir and Hermitage Dam levels are dangerously low. We've learnt that the catchment facilities are filled with silt, in some cases by as much as 40 per cent, and that, as such, they are collecting far less than their capacity. But nobody is making a move to clean them out.

One theory is that if you remove the dirt, the dam will leak. We also hear that in those times where rainfall is aplenty, there just aren't enough facilities to catch the abundance of water, and overflows simply go to waste. And nothing has been done about that either.

And so, as is customary, the NWC is forced to implement drought-mitigation measures (aka scheduled lock-offs) and the public is forced to exercise conservation methods. As decreed by the prohibition notice, if I dare wash my car, I will have the Resident Magistrate's Court to answer to. People can't get water to wash their southerly regions. Who answers to them? Perhaps the Ministry of Water should be brought before the RM Court because when a grown man must wash himself in a bath pan, surely there's a crime in there somewhere.

I get it. There's a drought - a severe one. A drought worse than we've seen in three decades. People waste water. I get it. We don't exercise responsible water usage and the commodity is being abused and replenishment is slower than usage.

But surely, someone must have seen the crisis coming. Surely, the crisis needn't have been as dire had someone made finding the solution a priority the first, second, tenth year we had the problem reoccurring.

Maybe there's hard work going on behind the scenes that I don't know about. We hear all the things we should do to conserve water. The minister made sure we understood the situation and the ensuing added problems that loomed as a result of the shortage. I join him in his appeal and beseech, for the love of all things holy, please, let's all do what we can to stop the wasting of water.

But I want to know what the ministry is doing - other than telling me to conserve. I like the guy, you know. I think he's a bright man. But I don't care if the good minister of water cures cancer. If I repeatedly turn my tap on and don't get water, somebody isn't doing his job.

The sitting minister, however, shouldn't feel that all culpability lies at his feet. There were many before him on both sides of the political divide, and they, too, bore the aforementioned insanity trait. This is not a new conversation. I want to hear more about the Rainwater Harvesting Policy and also want to know what other plans are being implemented to fix the perennial problem.

Too much talk

I'm not about lip service. Too often, we talk problems to death without positing solutions - or at least workarounds to the problem. So from one mad person to another, here are some suggestions:

Initiate public baths.

There are those in MoBay who have started washing cars with champagne. Perhaps that will catch on.

Encourage mothers with babies to store the fallen tears of their young for lawn watering.

Bring back the pit latrine.

Stage islandwide rain dances.

Let's all drink the sea.

These ideas may seem ridiculous, but no less ridiculous than seeing the same problem year after year and not fixing it. We need a new catchment facility and we need to clean and repair the ones we have. (They're empty. Now's a good time to do it.)

Not for a second would I dream that the solution is a simple one, but it must be found. It must take priority, at least for the minister of water, if not the entire Cabinet. Whatever the solution, it will be expensive, but the longer we take to implement it, the greater the cost will be. Too many Jamaicans are suffering the indignity of only flushing for number two. The people want water.

Patria-Kaye Aarons is a television presenter and confectioner. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and findpatria@yahoo.com.