What's wrong with politics?

If I were to ask what's wrong with politics here, many of you armchair political prognosticators would quickly rattle off a list of ailments. But what if I asked: "What's wrong with politics' hair?" I imagine you would be thoroughly stumped.

"Politics' hair?" Don't worry; there is sense within the apparent nonsense, as I imagine there must be some sense in Pearnel Charles' hair colour(s). Black on one side, and, as if perfectly separated by an act of God, white on the other, the labour minister's hair has baffled me for most of my life. Is it the result of some naturally occurring phenomenon, or does he spend hours in the mirror labouring to find the perfect demarcation point before applying a half-portion of Just for Men? In any event, were I to have the pleasure of speaking with the honourable minister, I wouldn't ask him about his hair. I would ask him a simple question: Why did Jamaica lose Cayman?

The Cayman Islands, the three-island British Overseas Territory in the western Caribbean, has realised tremendous economic success. Driven by financial services and tourism, Cayman has achieved a GDP per capita that ranks among the world's highest. Until 1962, when Jamaica secured independence from Great Britain, Cayman was governed from Kingston. Since then, Jamaica has experienced a plethora of social and economic struggles while Cayman has flourished. But the question isn't one of post-colonial fortunes, it's one of numbers. Cayman's population of 60,000 is roughly equivalent to the number of jobs lost in Jamaica since October 2008. So, Mr Minister, why has Jamaica lost Cayman? More important, what do you intend to do about it?

In my quest for answers, the labour minister would surely point me towards the global economic crisis. The global recession has certainly been an albatross for Jamaica's economy, but our job woes predate this crisis. The recession provides a convenient defence for our enduring economic malaise - somewhat similar to the excuses proffered by a finance minister who consistently constructs structurally unsound budgets only to blame their eventual collapse on 'unexpected' hurricanes and tropical storms, as if tropical disasters are unprecedented in a (gasp!) tropical island.

The Problem with Politics

What about Opposition Leader Portia Simpson Miller's hair? I'm not one to take notice of these things, but hers is so neat, so tidy, so perfectly manicured. I've often found myself straying from her message to her hair.

If I had Mrs Simpson Miller's phone number, I would inquire about authenticity - not of her hair, of course, but of her party's so-called 'Progressive Agenda'. What exactly is it? How does it differ from the regressive agenda promulgated by her party during its recent 18-year stint in government? Will it be a progressive disaster along the lines of the current Government's decision to eliminate tuition and hospital user fees? If elected, will she make the unpopular decision to rescind these unsustainable benefits? And, ultimately, who within her party is capable of spearheading truly progressive reform?

Perhaps the opposition leader would point me toward Peter Bunting and Lisa Hanna. They are, apparently, the future of her party. I wouldn't ask Mr Bunting, the financial mogul-turned-politician, about his hair; that conversation would be much too short. I'd ask him, in his capacity as spokesperson on national security, how he intends to systemically extinguish the rampant criminality that has long plagued our nation. I wouldn't ask Ms Hanna, the Miss World-turned-member of parliament, about hair, either; that conversation would be much too long. I would inquire about the long-term plan for her South East St Ann constituency and how it fits into her overall development policy for Jamaica.

Maybe the problem with politics here is that it isn't more like Pearnel Charles' hair. Instead of our politicians, through their political parties, taking thoughtful, yet distinct and contrasting positions on the issues that plague our nation, they bicker over random frivolities. Instead of Norman Manley, standing on one side of the battle line, valiantly championing black, while Sir Alexander Bustamante stands on the other, heroically advocating white, we are forced to live with the obtuse and muddled mess of grey that has enraptured both parties.

Who would have imagined? The solution to our political problem lies squarely atop Pearnel Charles' head.

Din Duggan is an attorney and entrepreneur who now works as a consultant with a global legal search firm. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com, facebook.com/dinduggan, twitter.com/YoungDuggan or dinduggan@gmail.com.