Sexual abstinence

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

Refraining from sex is commonly practised in cultures over the world. People abstain from sex for religious and other reasons, including prevention pregnancy, but abstinence has been increasing in practice due to the rapid rise in sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV/AIDS. Abstinence is now a normal, acceptable alternative to sexual intercourse. Some persons have resolved to abstain from sex this year as a personal choice for self-gratification.

What is Abstinence?

Sexual abstinence means different things to different people. Some couples think they are practising abstinence while participating in variety of sexual activities. Oral/anal sex, mutual masturbation and other similar activities do not qualify as abstinence. If you are involved in these practices, you are fooling yourself if you think you are not having sex. In the true sense, abstinence means refraining from sexual contact of any sort, including genital intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, dry sex, mutual masturbation, or any other physically intimate activity done for the purpose of sexual satisfaction. If you are not sure of the activity in which you are about become involved, ask yourself if the behaviour can be done in public without embarrassment.

Any of the activities below can still result in pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infection and are 'real sex' activities.

Mutual masturbation: If semen gets on someone's fingers and those fingers get anywhere near the vagina, pregnancy and/or STI can result. Semen can swim into the uterus from the vagina using the vaginal mucus as a conduit.

Oral sex: cannot lead to pregnancy but can lead to contracting the range of sexually transmitted-infections.

Anal sex: This can lead to pregnancy as semen will drain out of the anus into the vaginal area. It is easier to contract an STI via anal sex as the anal tissue is more prone to tiny tears in the skin.

Partial penetration: Inserting the penis halfway into the vagina or just penetrating for a few seconds can lead to pregnancy or the contraction of an STI. This is the mistake several young people make in experimenting and 'clowning around' and find themselves in trouble.

Deeper communication

Sexual intercourse is a form of sexual expression but very often sexual intimacy does not include sexual penetration. A more expansive approach to romance is one which enjoys other meaningful and pleasurable pursuits other than sexual intercourse, for example taking a walk in the park and holding hands. Without focusing on sexual intercourse, couples can find deeper communication and appreciation in other intimate activities. Sexual satisfaction can take place without intercourse and more sex education programmes are pushing abstinence among young people as one way of reducing STIs and unplanned pregnancies.

Though sexual intercourse helps couples bond emotionally, abstinence helps couples to be more faithful to each other as the anticipation factor will keep couples together as they engage in what could be precursory sexual activities without penetration. When penetration eventually takes place, couples who already have a sense of commitment find that their marriage has more intense commitment, openness and communication.

Sexual urges

Humans are attributed with the ability to control their sexual urges distinct from animals that mate uncontrollably when they feel the urge. Outside of abstinence from sexual intercourse with a committed partner, some men and women do not want to make a commitment or give of themselves, so they will abstain from sex.

Young people are moving to maintain their virginity. In the United Sates, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that the percentage of high-school students who have remained virgins has risen from 45.9 per cent in 1991 to 52.2 per cent in 2007 (CDC 'Youth Risk Behaviour Surveillance', US, 2008).

Birth control

As a birth control method, abstinence is 100 per cent safe. Couples who want to delay pregnancy in a natural way will abstain from sexual intercourse. Although some argue that abstinence is not a true form of birth control, research has shown that teens whose sex education is at least half abstinence-based are less likely to experience an unplanned pregnancy than those who receive contraceptive education alone. It is reported that women who had no sex education at all have the greatest number of unplanned pregnancies (Contracept.org).

Abstinence Education

Abstinence education is important and many young people are selecting it as their method of choice from early pregnancy or as a deterrent from contracting STIs, including HIV/AIDS. Young people should be encouraged to ask themselves certain questions if they are considering having sex.

1. Does having sex before marriage agree with my own morals? How does having sex outside of marriage relate to my family values and the way I was raised? Talk it over with someone who shares your values.

2. If I get pregnant, am I prepared to manage single parenthood?

3. If not ready for sex but engage in it without protection, am I ready to deal with the pain of abortion or adoption?

4. Do I really know this person well enough? It takes months and even years to know people well.

5. If the relationship breaks up, will I be glad that I had sex with this person?

6. Is he pressuring me to have sex? If you are doubtful, do not be pressured into sex.

7. Am I pressuring him to have sex?

8. Am I sure that my partner is not infected with an STI? Remember, AIDS can be deadly.

9. Am I sure that I'm not infected with an STI which I could give my partner? (www.epigee.org)

If you answer 'no' to any of these questions, it is advisable to wait. If you have been sexually active, get tested for STIs. If you are confused about abstaining from sex, get advice from your parents, pastor or guidance counsellor. Sex is a beautiful expression of love but it best to wait to engage in sex with the right person at the appropriate time when you are emotionally ready for sexual intercourse.

Send feedback/questions to heatherl@cwjamaica.com.