Wonderland by might

In Wonderland, the March Hare (Bruceontheloose) was forced to perform at his own circus. So he spun a yarn. Trying to be Adrian Monk but bungling the impression, he began: "Hare's what might've happened. Perhaps."

It all began with the Hare suspended on the horns of a desperate dilemma that rested long on his mind.

A 'hardley leakey' official told him that the United States of Apocrypha wanted the Cheshire Cat extradited. The Cat was an enigma wrapped in a mystery. A most influential enforcer for the Hare's government, yet no minister admitted knowing him. He seemed an illusion that disappeared in a smile. As leader, The Hare knew him and understood his importance. So, the dilemma was kept under The Mad Hatter's Hat until a solution should perchance present itself.

Far away, while the Hare's dilemma rested under the Hat, the Jabberwocky had a dream. He dreamt of the dilemma. His dream's divine message included a command to visit the Hare and offer the solution. Simultaneously, even further away, The Junior One also awoke from an identical dream with an identical mission. He told his wife, "I must go to the leader."

"Why?" asked his ever-inquisitive wife. "Not sure," said Junior, "but I dreamt that we may lose the Cat. I must lend credence to the Jabberwocky's mission."

"Stars hang suspendedabove a floating yellow moon. Two hearts were blended while angels sang a lover's tune."

well-rested dilemma

So Junior and Jabberwocky headed off separately but with the identical divine purpose of seeing the March Hare. They arrived at the Hare's office simultaneously, as if invited by appointment. Coincidentally, the Hare had nothing doing. So, surprised as he was to see them, still they were immediately ushered into his inner sanctum. "I'm happy for this unexpected visit," the Hare said, "what's do you have for me, kind sirs?"

When the Hare learned that they'd come from afar to resolve his well-rested dilemma, he was too relieved to be curious as to the happy confluence of events. Excited at the fortuitous blend of hearts and minds that had travelled to save him, he began to listen to them. The Jabberwocky jabbered. Junior jived. As the Hare listened, a glorious scheme began to be brewed. Finally, the Hare said "Gentlemen, we must be Frank. In fact, we must have Frank."

"You mean Frank Phloops?" asked Junior.

"No. Not the local Frank. He's too old and crotchety. We might need him later. I mean Frank from farrin. You know, Frank with the last name that sounds like two words. One about sex, the other travel."

"No," said the Jabberwocky, "farrin Frank can't help. We need to check Madhat, Phlips & Phlops (MPP). Is dem in charge now. But dem nah go believe seh ordinary little me sent by de Hare himself."

"That's why I'm here," said Junior "if I go with you and you introduce me as minister, they'll know you're the real deal!"

"I never thought of that," said Bruceontheloose, "that's a good idea."

passa passa in liguanea

The Hare let the dilemma rest a short while longer, and then, so excited that he slipped into the vernacular, accepted the divine intervention. "All right. Go ahead. But mek sure seh me no get involve. Yu is fa party, not govament. Me will mek sure seh Alice and the Dormouse brief unnu. And, when dis is all over, we gwine have a big party. Cat will have passa passa in Liguanea for everybody."

"No more uptown, downtown. We all rank together on a one ground. No more uptown downtown. Natty bring us all under one ground where the social barriers bruk down together inna one love Jamdown."

While taking the secret from under the Hat, the Hare was shocked to find the Cat in the Hat. He'd heard everything. Suddenly, all necessary funding for the Jabberwocky's mission appeared from under the Hat. And so it happened that MPP was engaged. But Madhat phlipped and phlopped until forced to stop. The circus came to town; the party used Frank Phloops after all; the Cat was whisked away through a portal created by his smile; Alice and the sleeping Dormouse denied the Jabberwocky thrice; passa passa never came to pass; and Liguanea was never again the same.

The brilliant lyrics in this piece are products of the genius of Lincoln Chase and Klaus Günter Neumann (Wonderland By Night) and, of course, Anthony Fairclough (Papa Michigan) and Erroll Bennett (Papa Smiley). The rest is just somebody's foolish fantasy.

Peace and love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.