Praedial larceny: 'tek serious ting mek joke'

THE EDITOR, Sir:

An article ('Reaping other people's crops') on praedial larceny in Jamaica in The Sunday Gleaner of March 4 does make grim reading.

Praedial larceny is perpetrated by a particularly obnoxious variety of Homo sapiens jamaicanensis (Hsj) preying on hard-working Jamaican farmers, who forever struggle under the most difficult conditions to maintain their crops and livestock in order to earn a decent livelihood.

We all know Jamaicans to be highly skilled and gifted, excelling in many honourable occupations. It is, therefore, not surprising that they also excel, masterly, I might add, in the occupation, albeit less honourable, of praedial thief.

My wife, herself a long-suffering victim, lost 25 goats to thieves last year. Calling the police is usually a complete waste of time. The thieves invariably escape before these protectors of our nation arrive at the scene of the crime, not least because either there is no vehicle or the vehicle is on its last gasp, or the condition of the roads.

With the poor state of St Mary roads (no repairs on the Rio Nuevo to Gayle road in St Mary for 22 years), this parish has rightfully earned its place as No. 1 in roads. God knows it needs to be No. 1 in something. Other contenders include the number of churches and the ubiquitous rum bars dispensing their own unique brands of morality.

Thankfully, praedial larceny is not all doom and gloom, and I do become nostalgic for the good old days. Who can forget the praedial thief climbing a coconut tree to steal coconuts (before lethal yellowing) only to be greeted at the top by my charming 10-foot pet snake. (He had escaped some days before). No more coconuts were stolen. Or, our tenacious male Rottweiler, Czar, who found the prospect so tempting (inferiority complex?), he couldn't resist depriving a particularly well-endowed praedial thief of a sizeable chunk of his manhood - an extremely distressing situation, especially for a male member of the Hsj tribe.

Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely that this contemptible variety of Hsj will take their place as honourable, honest citizens of society. Certainly, not in our lifetime.

So my wife has decided to call it quits. I suspect there will be fewer visits by our unwanted visitors. Saddened as I will be by the loss of one of my primary sources of entertainment, I do relish the thought that they won't have any more goats to steal. I do, however, feel a bit sorry for them. With honest labour not an option, what can be more disheartening than a thief not having anything to steal.

Dr Ethon Lowe, 

St Mary

ethonlowe@gmail.com