Doctor's Advice - My Latin lover

Q. Doctor, I am a married woman, living in St Andrew. My husband and I both have good careers. But unfortunately, we have grown apart over the last five years. We have no children because he did not want any. He gives me no attention and never asks about my work.

We have also been having problems as it relates to sex. Recently, he has become more interested in things like smacking and whipping in the bedroom. I do not like this. I have no interest in being whipped and we have been having a few arguments about this.

A complicating factor is that earlier this year I went to a residential conference, which meant that I was away from home for two nights. During that time, I met a fascinating man from a Spanish-speaking country. We got talking, and had drinks together.

On the first evening, when it was time to say good night, he kissed me. Frankly, Doctor, it was wonderful. I felt as if electricity was going through my body.

As there was no one else around, we continued embracing outside my room for around 15 minutes. During that time, he caressed my breasts, and then my genital area. To my astonishment, I discharged there and then, quite loudly. This was the first orgasm I have had for five years.

On the second night of the conference, he wanted me to go to bed with him. I refused. But I let him touch me again, and once more he brought me to a shuddering orgasm.

Since then I have done nothing but think of this man. He seems to me to be the most wonderful person I have ever met. By comparison, my husband appears more and more insignificant. My husband is mad about the fact that since I have returned from the conference, I have refused to have sex with him. He has threatened me with violence because of this. He said that he might rape me if I do not give in.

My boyfriend, if I can call him that, is in touch with me daily by phone or text. He keeps telling me he is "hopelessly in love". Incidentally, he is not married. Do you think I am in love with him? Or is it just infatuation?

You are in a very difficult situation here. I think you should find some way of making enquiries to discover whether he really is not married. I can tell you that very often, lovers who live in another country turn out to have a wife back home!

I would say that it is absolutely certain that you are. You are clearly head over heels in love with this man.

As it relates to your husband, the picture that you paint of him is not a very nice one. He is obviously into sadistic sex, and he has threatened you with violence and indeed rape. If he looks as if he is going to try and rape you, please call the police. Maybe you should move out now.

I am not a lawyer, but I would say that you probably have grounds for divorcing him, if you decide that that is what you want to do. The fact that you have no children would make it easier.

BE CAUTIOUS

But I really must urge you not to burn your boats yet. You know very little about this Latin man. You have only spent two days, or maybe just two evenings, with him. I don't wish to be unkind, but there has to be a possibility that he is not as wonderful as you think he is.

Also, I feel that your thinking is affected by the fact that he gave you an orgasm so easily, when you had not climaxed with your husband in five years. It is a fact that the process of coming can have a real profound effect on a woman's emotions. I can remember a female patient who left her husband, simply because another man gave her an intense orgasm.

My best suggestion is that you now meet up with this Latin guy again, and spend a few days in his company, either in his own country or in Jamaica. From being in contact with him for a longer period, you will get a better idea of whether he really is the love of your life, or not.

I have just consulted a surgeon, and he wants to remove my prostate gland. But would that affect my sex life?

I am afraid so. Most men who have their prostates removed will lose their nature as a result. I suggest you discuss with the surgeon whether a milder operation would be sufficient. A less drastic operation might preserve your virility.

Q. Dear Doc, I am nine weeks pregnant, and I am worried about the prospect of getting stretch marks. I want to know if I can prevent them.

It is an unfortunate fact that many women do get stretch marks on their stomach when they get pregnant. The same thing can happen on the breasts.

If you check on the Internet, you will find that there are vast numbers of commercial firms who advertise creams and potions that are alleged to prevent stretch marks. Unfortunately, there is no medical proof that any of them work.

However, there is no harm in regularly rubbing a simple moisturiser into your belly each day. It may help to keep your skin in good condition.  Experts say that the main factor in causing stretch marks is sudden weight gain. So please be guided by your midwife or doctor about your weight and about what you eat. Try not to put on more weight than what the health professionals tell you is desirable.

Q. I was unfaithful to my wife yesterday while I was on a business trip to St James. Afterwards, I realised that the girl had been menstruating. Will this do me any harm?

The fact that she had her menses isn't relevant healthwise. It poses no threat to you. However, there has to be a chance that you have picked up a sexually transmitted infection (STI) from this young woman. So please get yourself a sexual health check-up.Do not make love to your wife until you have been told that you are OK.

Q. I am a 31-year-old woman, and I have just developed diabetes. Will this affect my sex life, Doctor?

I hope not. But some diabetic women have problems with vaginal lubrication. If this happens to you, buy one of the excellent sex lubricants available at pharmacies.