Doctor's advice - He likes hurting me

 Q. Doctor, could you give me some advice about the man I love? He is a successful businessman in Kingston, and we are both in our early 30s. We got engaged a few months ago and are planning to have a big wedding next year. I am very busy with the arrangements for that.

But there is one BIG problem - sex! To begin with, sex was great. He was a much better lover than any of my previous boyfriends. Going to bed with him was exciting and fun, especially as he was pretty 'inventive' and was always thinking up new ideas.

However, earlier this year, he started doing things that I did not like. For instance, as he reached his climax he would squeeze me hard, or dig his nails in me, or even slap me. At first, I did not mind too much, because it was kind of exciting to see a man get so carried away with desire for me.

Unfortunately, in the last couple of months things have got worse. Whenever we are in bed, he insists on hitting my bottom, usually with a stick or a hairbrush. He does this until he makes me cry, and he seems to enjoy watching me cry.  Also, he squeezes my breasts hard during intercourse. When this makes me scream with pain, that seems to kind of 'spur him on' to orgasm.  When we are NOT in bed, he is pleasant and loving and gentle. So what is going on, Doctor?

A.  Sorry to hear about all this. Sadly, it is clear that your fiancé is a sadist. In other words, he gets sexual pleasure by inflicting pain on women.  I do not know whether he was like this when you first got together, but there is no doubt that his sadistic tendencies are getting worse! So if he goes on like this, he is going to do you some real physical harm.

It is clear that he is psychologically disturbed. The only hope of curing him would be for him to go and see a psychiatrist right away and have a long course of therapy. But sadly, most sadists don't want to be treated. They are happy hurting other people!

You are not going to like my advice, but here it is. Dump this man now. You should break off your engagement, and cancel the plans for the wedding. That may cause some disruption, but it could save your life.  In my experience, many women put up with sadistic men for a long time until eventually they get hurt seriously. Don't let that happen to you.

Q. I had sex with my girlfriend last night and the condom came off. It seem like it could still be inside her. Is that possible, Doc?

A. Yes, it happens quite frequently. Occasionally, pregnancies occur because the condom has slipped off inside the woman.  It is vital to realise that, if the condom is still inside your partner, that could hurt her. A 'lost' condom can give a woman an infection and cause a nasty discharge.  So your girlfriend should go and see a doctor right away. The doc can examine her, and thus find the condom, and remove it. Please do not delay.

Q. I get recurring yeast infections sometimes. If my boyfriend and I have intercourse during that time, he develops something that looks like a bruise. Why?

A. This is not a bruise. But it could well be that he has caught a 'yeast' (i.e fungus) infection from you. So he should get some treatment right away. If he goes to a pharmacy and buys an anti-fungus cream, then he can apply it to himself for about a week. Most important: a woman should NOT have sex while she has a 'yeast' infection. Sexual intercourse may make the problem worse.

Q. I am a man who has a problem with my wife. I love her very much, but it seem like she is slipping into Alzheimer's disease. Nevertheless, despite the illness, she remains a very sexy woman, and she often asks me to make love to her and to make her orgasm.  Is this OK, Doc? Or could I hurt her by having sex with her?

A .This is a very sad story. However, sex does NOT have any negative effects on the progress of Alzheimer's disease. So you will not hurt her by doing what she wants. And, certainly, she will be happier if you do as she requests.

Q. I got tears around my vagina when I had my second and third children. These have now healed, but they remain 'open'. I feel uncomfortable with them. Any suggestions, Doc?

A. Tears or cuts should be fully repaired with stitches immediately after childbirth. I am concerned that yours are still open, so I feel you should try and see a gynaecologist, who can look at these old cuts. It is possible that, even at this late stage, the 'gyno' could stitch them up for you.

Q. Don't laugh at me, Doc, but I have always been rather proud of my large scrotum. You see, it makes quite an impressive bulge in my shorts, especially when I am on the beach. But I had to see a doc recently about a mole on my skin and she told me that my scrotum really had something called a 'hydro-seal'. And she wanted to put in a needle to take some fluid off. I am scared about this, Doctor. What should I do? And what is a 'hydro-seal'?

A. OK, the word is actually 'hydrocoele'. That means a collection of fluid around the testicle. Hydrocoeles are very common and, fortunately, most of the time they are harmless. Unless your hydrocoele is causing you any symptoms such as discomfort, there is much to be said for just leaving it alone.

Q. I am a woman who has a long history of abdominal pains. Last April, I was diagnosed with a two-millimetre (2 mm) cyst in my right ovary. A doc told me that it is 'not alarming', and that it should go away on its own. But, is she right?

A.  Yes, she is. A two-millimetre cyst is incredibly small. If you look at a ruler, you will see that two millimetres is less than a tenth of an inch. To put it another way, this cyst must have been about as big as the letter 'e' at the end of this sentence.

I presume the cyst must have been found on some kind of scan, maybe an ultrasound. It was certainly far too small to be detected by a doctor during an examination. Anyway, it cannot possibly have been the cause of your abdominal pains. So you can forget about it.