Doctor's Advice: I am in love with an older man

Doctor, I am a girl of 17, and I have fallen in love with a much older man. He works in a very senior position at the same company as I do. He is a very exciting, handsome guy, and lots of women in the office admire him. So I am not sure why he is so interested in me. But he says I am "the most beautiful thing he has ever seen". We have not had sex as yet, but we have kissed and cuddled when the office is quiet in the evenings. What has concerned me is the fact that he has insisted on putting his finger into my vagina. I have never heard of anyone doing that. And I would like to know why he wished to penetrate me in this way. Also, will what he has done have taken my virginity?

A: I cannot say that I feel enthusiastic about the prospects for this relationship. From what you have told me in another communication, this guy is at least three times your age. That is a very big gap indeed, so the chances of marrying him and having a happy life together seem to me to be a little remote.

To be brutally frank, it is very common for older, powerful men in large organisations to try flirting with very young women and also to 'grope' them if they can. Generally, the teenage girl does not complain about these approaches because she feels so flattered that an important male is showing interest in her.

Now you ask why this guy wanted to put his finger inside you. I am afraid that this is a very common thing for men to do. You probably realise that the male sex is 'conditioned' to want to penetrate females during sexual intercourse. And for many men, penetration with the finger is a good second best.

You ask whether this activity could have taken away your virginity. Technically, the answer is no, but the guy's finger could possibly have broken your hymen, or maidenhead, as it is still sometimes known.

On the bright side, at least he cannot have got you pregnant! Also, that type of fingerplay is most unlikely to have given you any sexually transmitted infection.

But I'm going to finish my answer by saying that I think you are being used by this much older guy. My best advice is that you should have nothing more to do with him. If necessary, change your job.

Last-minute mistake

Doc, I am male, 18, from near Falmouth. Last week, for the first time in my life, I went with a girl. It was bareback. I did try to pull out at the last minute, but now I am fretting that some of my sperm might have got inside her. What do you think, Doc? Could she be pregnant?

A: Well, she could. This method of withdrawal is notorious for causing accidental pregnancies.

It is certainly possible that she may have conceived, and it is now too late for the post-coital pill (emergency pill), or indeed the post-coital coil.

So I am afraid you will just have to wait and see whether her menses arrive. In the future, please try to use safe contraception whenever you have sex.

He showed me a 'blue movie'

I am a female secretarial worker, age 22, and I must admit that I have had quite a bit of experience with men - probably five in all. My latest boyfriend is a very sophisticated guy, and this week he insisted on showing me a 'blue movie' before we had sex. I had never seen one before, Doc, and I was amazed by the things that went on! The first thing I would like to know is this: Is what happens in these movies normal behaviour? And if so, should I be doing it, too? Also, I noticed that all the girls in the films have bottoms that look quite unlike mine. Why? Am I abnormal?

A: Well, I would say that what goes on in porn movies is often completely crazy! And these productions have given many young people a totally false impression of what normal sexual behaviour between a man and a woman is.

So please don't feel that you have to get up to all the antics in which the porn actresses engage. In particular, if there is any sexual activity which you dislike, don't agree to do it.

As it regards the actresses's bottoms, I think what you mean is that many of these ladies have what is called 'the gaping anus syndrome'. What this means is that the anal opening is far wider and looser than normal.

The reason why these young women have that odd appearance is that in the course of their acting work, they have been on the receiving end of a great deal of anal intercourse. I regret to say that this type of activity usually causes the opening in the bottom to become loosened and widened.

Healthwise, that is not very good for these unfortunate girls because as they get older, they are likely to become incontinent of faeces. In other words, they will leak.

So you should definitely forget any ideas about wanting your anus to look like theirs.

Smoking and on the Pill

My girlfriend, age 19, is planning to go on the Pill next month. Would the fact that she is a smoker make this dangerous for her?

A: For women who are in their late teens, the danger to life from taking the Pill is very small. It is certainly less than the risk to life from being pregnant.

However, the risk of serious side-effects - such as thrombosis - is definitely increased by smoking. So your girlfriend would do well to give up cigarettes.

Abnormal protrusion

I have developed a long, dark protrusion on my foreskin during the last few months. I guess it is nearly two centimetres long. Is it anything to do with the fact that I have had sex with many girls?

A: Probably. You almost certainly have a genital wart. This is caused from a virus picked up during sex.

So you should see a doctor right away in order to have this protrusion removed. He may be able to do it by just applying a special anti-wart paint.

Please do not have sex with anyone till you are cured because at the moment, you are probably infectious.

Young men, and indeed young women, should always be on the look-out for these long finger-like growths on the genitals.

Excess fluid

Doc, I seem to get a lot of vaginal fluid. This is especially so when I am sexually excited with my boyfriend. Would you say that this liquid is an abnormal discharge?

A: Probably not. It is normal for young women to be moist, particularly when they are romantically or sexually excited. Generally, you don't need to fret about vaginal liquid unless it is:

Blood-stained;

Causing itching;

Causing pain or soreness;

Yellow;

Very thick and white.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.