What lies within

Jody-Anne Lawrence, Lifestyle reporter

Family life is complicated because, unlike a friendship, you do not get to choose the people who are born into your family. But within these units, most of the time there are secrets that no one speaks about.

Annmarie Robins'family had a few secrets, but one that really hit home was revealed at what could be considered the worst possible time.

"We knew that my grandfather had been unfaithful on certain occasions, but no one knew that he had any outside children," said Robins.

This was revealed when the children showed up at the funeral. Many were uncertain as to why they showed up trying to introduce themselves and as relatives. What they did was rub salt in our wounds. We were already mourning the loss of our grandmother and this only made it worse. That was a secret that we preferred to have stayed in the dark," said Robins.

Most of Natalia James'father's family was a mystery to her. While she had extensive knowledge of her mother's family members, her father's was something else.

"I know my father, but his family tree is a mystery to me. There are no pictures of him as a child of his father. I only know that his father has his last name and that was it. I know a few of his siblings, but we don't interact. It is as if the family is estranged and I am not sure why," James told Outlook.

But despite that, her father enforced unity in his own home. Her parents, especially her father, ensures that all his children get along and there is no such thing as malicing in the household.

"Every time I ask about his childhood, he would tell me about some little thing that he and his brothers might have done. But he never truly got into details and he still never mentions his father at all." Now at 27, that side of her family is still a mystery to James.

Psychologist Olivia Rose believes that divulging every detail about oneself is based on several factors. This includes the nature of the secret and the kind of relationship one has with their family and the kind of family -nuclear or extended.

COPING MECHANISM

Rose used the example of an individual being terminally ill and wanting to keep those details to themselves. This might be a coping mechanism for the person while on the other hand someone else may share this secret with their family member for social and emotional support to deal with the situation. Different personality types will hide or share certain information based on general disposition. For example, an introvert may be more prone to keep something inside while an extrovert might be more open to discuss other information.

When it comes to infidelity, many persons would think that the act should be quickly revealed in order to fix the situation. However, Rose believes that timing is important. It is important that every situation is taken individually and not make a broad assumption, since people vary. Some people might feel ashamed because of that act, as well as wanting to protect all the individuals involved, which might be the cause for them to keep the information hidden rather than being deceptive.

Whether or not to divulge a secret, is based on many elements, and, though we may want to know, most times it might tear some relationships apart. Thus, one should evaluate all the sides before blurring the line between secrecy and privacy.

Names changed upon request