Gordon Robinson | Haemorrhoid piles scorn on indiscipline

I watched in shock and awe as surrealism took over at Caymanas Park and abstract art imitated life.

For decades, horseracing promoters have manipulated starting times to accommodate perceived punters’ last minute betting preference. So while some of us chafe at the bit post times were treated like expiry dates (Mr. Kim: “just a suggestion”) on bully beef tins.

On April 1, a new rule, mandating races start within five minutes of published post times, was implemented. Maybe the Promoter (SVREL) believed it was an April Fools prank because nothing changed.

Finally, on Saturday, April 20, brown stuff hit the fan. And splattered! Stewards abandoned two races for being egregiously late. Pandemonium ensued. It’s the sort of chaos that stops Haemorrhoid whining about “piles and piles” of files on his desk. He’d launch a shaggy dog tale about shoes:

“A man is moving from Kingston to Trelawny so begins cleaning out his home desk. He’s a confirmed packrat sp, after thirty years, has accumulated piles of paper. While going through them, he notices an old, yellowed receipt.

“It’s headed ‘Shoe Bottom Repair’. He dimly remembers the store, only a couple miles away from his apartment but in a direction he doesn’t go anymore since switching jobs. As he examines the receipt closely, he realizes it’s for a pair of shoes he dropped off twenty-five years ago and completely forgot to pick up.

‘There’s no way they could still be in business after all this time, is there?’ he thinks. He picks up the phone; dials the number; and is stunned when he hears a woman at the other end.

‘Shoe Bottom Repair!’ she says. Well, the man is stunned but quickly collects himself. ‘Hello! Oh my, I can’t believe you’re still in business! I’m calling about a very old shoe repair receipt. I can’t imagine you still have my shoes but could you look this up for me? It’s receipt #46351.’

‘Let me look,’ the woman says. After a long pause, as the man is about to give up hope, she comes back on the line.

‘Buchanan?’ she asks. ‘Yes’ he replies. ‘That’s me!’

‘HAROLD Buchanan?’

‘That’s my name. Harold Buchanan!’

‘A pair of black size ten-and-a-half dress shoes?’

‘I can’t believe you still have my shoes! After all this time, you fixed my shoes and kept them for twenty-five years! Can I come over right now and pick them up?’

There’s a pause on the other end of the line. ‘They’ll be ready two weeks from Thursday. ’ CLICK”

Jamaican customer service died decades ago. Businesses now believe customers should serve the business not the other way around. SVREL Chairman Solomon “Sala” Sharpe honestly admitted SVREL’s deliberate post times indiscipline was intended to squeeze more dollars from customers.

Horse races start on time worldwide. They start on time because lucrative broadcast rights contracts must be honoured; international promoters respect their customers; starters, starters’ assistants and jockeys are disciplined professionals. Delaying races to encourage indiscipline is myopic and counter-productive. Punters bet whenever they can. Mouttet Mile, broadcast live on FOX Sports, resulted in on-time starts (mostly) and record sales.

Is FOX Sports Jamaica’s new horseracing regulator?

This new rule was a long time coming. Everybody knew. But, in Jamaica, money talks and indiscipline walks. So Sala makes a public plea and suddenly, flash, bang, wallop, Nigel Clarke puts on mask and cape and flies to SVREL’s rescue. By Thursday, Nigel issues a detailed statement that he met with fifty “stakeholders” and it was agreed JRC will impose “dissuasive fines” instead of abandoning races. Are those like the Trump’s US$1,000 fines for disobeying gag orders? DWL!

Indiscipline wins. Order and method unplaced! No Stewards’ Enquiry!

This is diametrically opposite to Nigel’s position in January 2023 when SSL’s regulatory fiasco broke. Then he wrote a Gleaner op-ed distancing himself from the saga and a follow-up Twitter thread summary:

“Any specific action required by the minister would have to be in the context of either (a) a request for, or….the need for policy action, or (b) a necessary coordinated supervisory response involving the [BOJ] and the ministry in its policy role.”

What “policy role” is Nigel playing here? More from January 2023:

“A minister second guessing a regulator on matters of prudential decisions or instructing prudential decisions is fraught with downside risk and inconsistent with international best practices.

“Such decisions could likely be severely undermined as being politically motivated, rather than technically based. This would structurally undermine regulatory integrity.”

Oopsie.

Hundreds of customers were defrauded at SSL but Nigel didn’t even read a FSC warning. THIS customer problem SVREL alone can easily solve. Just start races on time.

Indiscipline isn’t an appropriate response to indiscipline.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney at law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com