Basil Jarrett | Murder-suicides: Less about mental health, more about our addiction to violence

LAST FRIDAY, most of us were jolted by news of the murder of 20-year-old D’Johnnay Graham, who was allegedly shot on her verandah by her jealous police boyfriend, who then tried to kill himself.

I say “most of us” because at this point, Jamaicans are so inured and desensitised by these stories, that I’m quite sure some of us just swiped left and kept it moving after reading the headline.

That Graham was killed by someone who claimed to love her should be of no surprise to anyone who tries to stay up-to-date with the news in this country. In December 2022, there was the case of 42-year-old dressmaker Alicia Smithson who was strangled by her boyfriend, Robert Stewart, who later hanged himself.

THE MENTAL HEALTH TRAP

In both instances, alleged infidelity was at the centre of the story and the media headlines were as sensational as they were predictable. As is now standard whenever we hear about these murder-suicide events, a familiar chorus quickly follows: “We need more mental health support for men.”

Even The Gleaner’s story on Graham’s murder last week concluded with, “If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental wellness, please contact the Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Helpline at 888 NEW LIFE (888-639-5433).

And I get it. We do need more mental health support for our people. But if we keep clinging to mental health as the only lens through which we view these heinous acts, then we are completely missing the forest for the trees.

Murder-suicides are not isolated tragedies caused by “crazy people”. They are the end result of a culture that worships control, punishes infidelity, and confuses violence with strength.

Jamaica has always had a problem with solving our conflicts through violence. And murder-suicides, as tragic and complex as they are, are just the latest symptom of our national addiction to brutality.

Think about it. We kill over 1,300 people each year, most of them young men. We stab over a phone, shoot over parking spaces and slap over “disrespect”. Violence in Jamaica isn’t just a means to an end. It is the end. It’s our go-to solution. Our final word. Our punctuation mark at the end of every disagreement. And when you consider that kind of cultural conditioning, is it really that surprising that some men, when they feel hurt or betrayed or disrespected, turn the gun or knife inward, after first turning it outward?

THE ADDICTION TO VIOLENCE

Let’s be clear, mental health challenges are real. The stigma around depression, anxiety, trauma, and therapy, especially for men, needs urgent attention. But let’s not act like mental illness is what’s driving the majority of violent acts in Jamaica.

If that was the case, then we’d be facing a national epidemic of schizophrenia, not a crisis of crime. What we’re seeing in these murder-suicides is not just untreated trauma and undiagnosed mental conditions, it’s a dangerous cocktail of cultural conditioning, jealousy and possessiveness, and a deeply flawed approach to conflict and dispute resolution.

For example, we raise our boys to believe that they must control their women, and so, when a man feels like he’s losing that control, whether through infidelity or she just decides that she wants out, he doesn’t just feel hurt, he feels emasculated and yup, you guessed it, disrespected. And when your manhood is tied to dominance and control, losing it feels like death itself. For far too many, it becomes a reason to kill. That’s social conditioning, not a mental health problem.

THE REAL CONVERSATIONS TO BE HAD

So maybe it’s time we took a step even further back. What if the real conversation we need to be having isn’t just about mental health services or even violence itself, but about how we view relationships in the first place? Why have we conditioned our men to react with such visceral rage to the idea of a woman cheating or walking away?

Could it be that we’ve bought into a dangerous mythology around love and relationships? That possession is proof of passion, jealousy equals devotion, and that monogamy is a contract enforced by entitlement and control? Have we so over-romanticised “forever” that we see any deviation as betrayal, rather than part of the unpredictable human experience?

Maybe it’s time to have that awkward, grown-up conversation about monogamy, serial or otherwise, not just whether it’s realistic, but whether the way we approach it is healthy. Why does infidelity, or even the suspicion of it, trigger such intense shame and fury, especially in men.

So absolutely, we do need to build out more mental health resources and adopt a more positive and proactive outlook towards therapy. But let’s also look in the mirror as a society and admit the truth that we are a violent people, we raise violent boys and we excuse violent men. We make heroes of gangsters, glorify badness in our music, and teach conflict resolution with our fists.

That’s not a mental health issue. That’s a mentality problem.

Major Basil Jarrett is the director of communications at the Major Organised Crime and Anti-Corruption Agency (MOCA) and crisis communications consultant. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram, Threads @IamBasilJarrett and linkedin.com/in/basiljarrett. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com