Hello Mi Neighbour | Flawed, but happy!

HERE ARE some typical expressions that you’ll hear from finger pointers/fault finders in a typical conversation on a typical day in a typical space in our country:

· Him mean yuh si!

· Shi is not a good woman

· Mi seh di man lie! – nevah talk truth yet

· But sheee always a borrow and a beg

· Dem people deh nuh gi whey prayers

· And dem seh dem a Christian

· Mi never si anybody love money suh

· Di whole a dem a hypocrite!

· A fi him fault

· Serve dem right!

Well, as they say, “finger mek fi pint”, and “fault mek fi find”. Almost everyone indulges in fault finding and finger pointing at one time or other. Usually, it’s easier to see the flaws of others than our own. Goes even further: we don’t usually think of ourselves as flawed, even though at times we will admit that “I am not perfect”, especially when our flaws belie our ‘perfectionist’ attitude. The ‘perfect’ co-worker, friend or neighbour will say from time to time: ‘I would never do that’, and ‘that could never happen to me’, until it happens! And, what an embarrassment! Careful, pride goes before a fall!

Sister B ostracised Sister T because she lost her spiritual balance and got pregnant out of wedlock. “How could Sister T allow something like that to happen to her? Why didn’t she ‘shun the very appearance of evil’?” No answer. And that was where their sisterly love ended – at least for a while. No calls, no visits, no texts, no sharing, no forgiveness from Sister B. So, you know what happened? Bitterness crept into her heart and, man, was she miserable and unhappy! That’s exactly what unforgiveness does to the soul.

Neighbour, whatever the offence, forgive quickly. Otherwise, you could damage your soul – for life. Unforgiveness freezes the soul while forgiveness frees it. Just thought I’d share that critical bit of information with you. Use it.

So, as time passed and Sister B’s heart became harder and harder against her “sinner” sister, she started to lose her spiritual fervour, which further led to the loss of her spiritual balance. That’s right, the “impossible” happened. After a “rough pregnancy” out of wedlock, the chastisement of her conscience and members of the community, Sister B found her footing again. This time, she was brand new: new attitude, new outlook on life and less judgemental as she came to grips with her own vulnerabilities and flaws. And, yes, just like all good stories end, sisters B and T became friends again, bonded by one common factor …

So then, everyone has flaws and, until we face and address them, we will always be bothered by the flaws in others. Who doesn’t know that flaws are a part of our humanity. Whether we be puritans, priests, peasants or princes, we are all partakers of flaws, and they often prevent us from seeing beyond the flaws in others.

And the noose gets even tighter here. By focusing on the flaws of others, we will never see the negative impact our flaws are having on our relationship with others. And, let’s get it straight: people who speak about the flaws in others as though they have none of their own, are by default walking around with a very flaw! Are you one of those persons? Would hope not, but if you are, there is hope!

To tame and control our flaws, we must:

· Recognise that we are all flawed/imperfect beings

· Admit that our flaws are posing problems for ourselves and others

· Agree that we need help to correct or mitigate their impact on others

· Be willing to accept feedback from flawed/honest neighbours, who are better able to help us identify them and even correct them!

That said, to truly a live a meaningful life with or without these flaws, we must submit ourselves to our Maker who alone will empower us to manage our own flaws while coping with or forgiving the flaws of others.

KINDLY HELP A NEIGHBOUR WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. Stove

2. Refrigerator

3. Bed

4. Food

5. Help with medication

6. Financial assistance to start a little business

To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 876 649-9636 or deposit in acct #351 044 276 NCB. Alternatively, send donations to Hello Neighbour C/o 53 Half-Way Tree Road, Kingston 10; Paypal/credit card: email: zicron22@yahoo.com. Contact email: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com. Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.