Michael Abrahams | The power of Serenity Prayer

Navigating this life and being happy can be a challenge. The world can be a cruel place, and its human inhabitants colossal pains in the behind. We constantly face obstacles, or potential obstacles, to our happiness and progress that we need to clear or avoid in order to maintain self-preservation.

I am no exception. I face daily challenges and find myself at constant risk of being overwhelmed. However, I have found that stepping back and objectively and dispassionately assessing the situations I encounter, that have the potential to stress the living daylights out of me, has helped me to maintain the little sanity I have. In this regard, I would like to share with you my experience with the Serenity Prayer and how it has changed my life. It goes like this:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Okay. So, I am not the religious type, but I am open-minded, and have found this plea to God (whoever you perceive the being to be) for assistance in not going crazy in this messed-up world to be a gem, and a continuous source of strength and inspiration for me. It serves as a reminder of the importance of accepting the things we cannot change.

For example, I love my job, but it can be very demanding and stressful. After 23 years in private practice, if you are not killing the people you look after, and you treat them well, chances are they will not only come back to you, but also encourage family members and friends to see you as well. So, my office can be very busy. One of my greatest stressors is people turning up at the office, without an appointment, wanting to be seen. I use an appointment system, and although I do try my best, due to the unpredictability of my job, such as having to manage women who go into labour, or deal with emergencies such as sudden bleeding and miscarriage, or having someone visit me for one problem and discovering that they have multiple, it is not uncommon for me to be running late. I respect people and their time, and the thought of inconveniencing them does not sit well with me and makes me uncomfortable.

So, turning up when I am under pressure has the effect of making feel even more pressured. This had been a major source of stress for me for many years until one day, while reflecting on the words of the Serenity Prayer, it occurred to me that people turning up at the office is something I have absolutely no control over. I cannot change that. I cannot install a force field outside that will assess those approaching my office and repel those whose names are not in my appointment book.

However, there is something I can change: my attitude. Attitude adjustment is completely within my control. So, I told myself, “Instead of allowing these ladies to stress you out, how about stopping being a miserable, little old fart, and be grateful that there are people who trust and value you so much that they are willing to put on their clothes, leave their homes and places of employment, and travel to your office for you to look after them?”

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

So, I adopted an attitude of gratitude, and it did make a difference. I may or may not be able to accommodate people who show up unexpectedly, but the gratitude I now feel has replaced the negative emotions that would have previously consumed me and has kept me grounded.

Having this prayer as a mantra has the potential to improve your quality of life, especially your mental health. Seriously. For example, if you have a narcissistic, abusive, gaslighting person in your life, you will not change that person into a humble, loving, and empathetic being. You may want to try, but it will just not happen. You will fail, and frustrate yourself terribly in the process. On the other hand, if you are not dependent of them, what you can change is the nature of your relationship with them. You can distance yourself from them. I am not saying it will be easy, but it is possible. If you are dependent on them or are in a situation where it is not possible to create physical distance between you and them, you can educate yourself about people with these personality flaws and learn how to cope with them being in your space.

It is of vital importance to know the difference between the things you can or cannot change and act accordingly. Too often we allow the behaviour of others to rile us up, not realising that we are powerless to change them, but that we have the ability to change our attitude, behaviour, actions and, in many cases, our proximity to them and situations that may be deleterious to our well-being.

Michael Abrahams is an obstetrician and gynaecologist, social commentator, and human-rights advocate. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams.