Single but iffy to mingle: His bucket list

Welcome to Single but iffy to mingle. If you're just joining me, here's a recap. After going through a tumultuous break-up, I'm ready to delve right back into the dating world. But I have a few reservations. Last week was all about the approach. Now that you're up to speed, in honouring our Men's Issue of Flair this week, let's put them in the hot seat and address an elephant that might take up the room in a relationship: his bucket list.

What does a bucket list have to do with affairs of the heart, you might ask? Well, everything actually. You see, life propels on having purpose; accomplishments are just the bonus of that. Which woman doesn't want to know her potential boyfriend's goals, whether short term, long term, or both. Ladies, you have to have big dreams to achieve too, but notice I said his and not her bucket list. That's because women are known for being the queens of balance. Men? Not so much. They have a tendency to be the worst at multitasking. Sidebar: Find you a man who is grounded and balanced and you have 'foundeth' your soulmate - look no further, he's the one.

If you discover that the possible Adam to your Eve is driven by these three ingredients: direction, focus and purpose, then he more than likely won't stop until he reaches his goals. In order to do that, he might have to make a bucket list, consisting of objectives for business, leisure and even pleasure. This sounds like a treat, does it? Because women want nothing more than to have and to hold an ambitious or rather, a successful man! Here's unfortunately is where the tricky part can come into play: if he hasn't completed his bucket list of finances or fantasy, before you, then it will be hard for him to really settle with you.

Women are nurturers by nature while men are providers. Once he feels he's unable to provide for himself and for you financially, he may work assiduously to change that. And there's no stopping that focus, since that direction might have been in existence prior to but is now being fuelled by your leading role as girlfriend. In doing this, he may inadvertently neglect your physical and emotional needs, in order to afford the happily ever after, destroying the option from ever happening in the first place.

But why put a time stamp on success anyway? And why run the race as a sprint instead of a relay? Quality time with your bae is the key to happiness: money can't buy love.

And that magical feeling called lust can rock your relationship in unbelievable ways. Picture this: your significant other had a Playboy fantasy long before you were in even in his motion picture, but now that he envisions the wife material in you, he may do one of two things when he shares that fantasy with you:

1. Request a 'hall pass' to execute his long lost but now found mission. The question is, do you role play hall monitor and let it slide? Or do you expel him from your school of romance?

2. Ask you to play for the team, considering you have home court advantage, or participate in the sultry game as coach. Do you show up as star baller and make the sacrifice, in the name of love, and do the do? If you're game, why not?

But if either option is not your cup of tea then before you go making a big decision, ask yourself: is opening that can of worms even worth it? It might be a one off for you, but it could be the start of something new for him. On the other hand, the rejection on your part may force him seek it elsewhere, since a bucket list by definition is meant to be completed. This will definitely do more harm than good. Just one more reason I'm iffy to mingle - maturity is a thing of the past these days and I don't want to waste my time weathering that kind of storm, only to lose everything in the end. Going forward, seek someone who had already sewn his wild oats and is looking to bear fruit in a more meaningful way. And make sure loving you and only you unconditionally is on his 'bucket list'.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com