‘It’s been such a perfect fit’

For Denzil Wilks, his wife Nelsa, and their daughter Denelle, July 28, 2004, will forever mark one of the most meaningful and memorable days of their lives.

On this day, their two-year wait to complete the process to adopt Najeé came to an end, officially making them into a family of four.

Speaking with The Gleaner days after the celebration of World Adoption Day on November 9, Denzil expressed that the experience has “been an absolute wonder since then”.

Najeé, who was adopted when he was 18 months old, had been living at the Glenhope Nursery, a state childcare institution, after being abandoned after birth at the hospital by his biological mother.

The family often did outreach work with their church, which is located near Glenhope. This was how they met Najeé, as Denelle, the couple’s sole biological child, was in search of a potential sibling who she could love and help to care for.

“We went over there, we saw this little boy and he was so cute, and he latched on to mommy and me,” Denelle said with a bright smile.

At the time of Najeé’s adoption, Denelle was 13 years old and the two developed an unbreakable bond.

“I remember the day he came home ... . He stayed with me, he went everywhere with me, he was actually afraid of daddy at the time, but he and I were close,” she told The Gleaner.

She expressed satisfaction with her now 21-year-old brother, having witnessed him develop and achieve success in various aspects of his life.

Nelsa recalled that the adoption process had been challenging and she would occasionally become impatient.

A former employee of the Child Development Agency – now the Child Protection and Family Services Agency (CPFSA) – Nelsa said there was no favouritism in the process.

INITIAL CONCERNS

She admitted that there were some initial anxieties because of concerns that Najeé’s birth parents could eventually locate her family and cause issues or they could find out about potential medical or other issues the young boy had that they were initially unaware of.

But, the family agrees, Najeé appears to be – and is nothing less than – a biological child to them. They noted that until Najeé informs others that he is adopted, no one would ever suspect it.

“It’s been such a perfect fit,” said Denzil.

The family broke the news of his adoption to Najeé at age five. He told The Gleaner that it came as a surprise, especially because he had never sensed a difference in his mannerisms and resemblance to that of his adoptive family.

“It’s been seamless. You know, you don’t think that you’re adopted. You’ve known them all your life. They know everything about you, and you get the comparisons that you look like [them], you act like [them], so it really makes it seem like I’m at home,” he said.

Najeé said that although no one asks whether he is an adopted child, he does not shy away from offering this information.

Denzil recalled, with a deep hearty laugh, the day when Najeé’s preparatory school administrators called him and Nelsa in because Najeé had told others that he was adopted.

“And as far as they were concerned, this couldn’t be so,” Denzil said.

There would be many similar instances over the years.

“Up to today, nowadays, people see him with me, and they say, ‘Well, it looks like you carve out this one’,” Denzil added, continuing to laugh.

Nevertheless, he remarked that this merely served to highlight how “spot on” and “bordering on perfection” the selection aspect of the adoption process was.

The family gave careful consideration to when Najeé would be informed that he was adopted.

According to Denzil, they were aware of situations in which adopted children were told in their teenage years and would become outraged that it had taken so long for them to be informed.

“[Najeé] started examining all the photo albums around the house and he started asking questions ... because as he went through, he could see Denelle at the baby stage ... and we had no pictures like that of him ... and we didn’t want him to find out accidentally,” he explained.

Nelsa shared that Najeé frequently read the children’s book Chester and Daisy Move On, which discussed foster care and adoption. This, she said, aided the family in breaking the news to him.

He was told ahead of having to present his social studies homework to class, which was to make a family tree.

GRATEFUL

“I’m grateful for everything – that I have two parents in the same household, I have a sibling, [and] now I have two nephews. I’ve got a really good life. I went to really good schools, now I’m in university at a very young age,” Najeé said.

He continued that all he has ever asked for has been granted to him and that he is never short of anything.

“And of course, I feel loved and wanted,” he added.

As Najeé’s biological parents were never known, Denzil explained that friends of the family would often express concern about their decision to adopt him.

“But the truth is, we went forward in faith, and I really had no misgivings whatsoever ... and I was very, very comfortable,” he said.

Nelsa shared that there continues to be a stigma in society as persons view children in need of adoption as “coming with a whole heap a baggage and trouble”.

“We are aware of the stigmas attached. We’ve seen it in churches, seen it in so many circumstances, and we think that’s unfortunate,” Denzil said.

Denzil wants to inspire people to adopt children and to assist in forming secure, loving homes for those in need of care.

“If you ask me what is my greatest achievement in life, this is it. No matter what else I’ve done,” he added.

Nelsa expressed her desire for the CPFSA to “do a lot more” for adoptions, pointing out that certain legislative and other changes were needed to “free the children for adoption”.

She said that when children end up in state care, their biological parents, who are often unable to care for them, frequently decline to place them for adoption, preventing the children from having much more fulfilling lives.

Additionally, she said, some people have used the foster care programme as a trial run for adoption; as a result, they have the children for years without consideration of adoption, and as a result, the child “ages out of [state] care and have become an institutionalised child from birth to leaving”.

Nelsa believes that there are persons in society, who, if coached and counselled and given the right information, would adopt and would give children a suitable life outside of the institution.

“The average person either can’t bother [to seek out information or] are just so fearful of the whole thing, but we need to make it more friendly so that children can have a better chance for a better life,” Denzil added.

asha.wilks@gleanerjm.com