Settling into motherhood

Western Bureau:

For many young Jamaicans, the decision to start a family is becoming increasingly complex. The cost of living continues to rise, some young couples have limited support systems and they’re not sure what the future for them and their child holds.

However, for two women who welcomed newborns at the start of the year, motherhood has been a deeply emotional journey with mixed emotions of love and fear.

Natasha McKenzie Petgrave, the first mother to give birth to a baby boy for the year at the Savanna-la-Mar Hospital in Westmoreland, welcomed her son, Nathaniel Petgrave, on January 1. Just two months later, she is reflecting on the realities of becoming a first-time mother.

“The most rewarding part [of] being a first-time mom is to just, you know, bond with a child,” McKenzie Petgrave said. “And the most rewarding part is to know that I can give birth and give birth to a healthy child … because so many persons out there can’t bear a child and wanted to bear a child, but can’t.”

While the joy has been overwhelming, McKenzie Petgrave admitted that motherhood has come with unexpected challenges.

“You have to be patient,” she said. “It gives sleepless night … My surprise was the sleepless nights because, at nights, the baby doesn’t sleep for long, but he sleeps long in the day. Losing my sleep … keeps sending up my pressure.”

NEW BUT NOT UNFAMILIAR

McKenzie Petgrave explained that, although the transition to motherhood has been demanding, it was not entirely unfamiliar as she grew up seeing and learning the ins and outs of the role.

“Nothing has been different about motherhood because I have friends and I have sisters who have children before me, so I watch them and, you know, there’s nothing different about it than what I expect,” she said.

Her birthing experience, however, was quite unusual as she said her water broke in the early hours of the morning and, immediately, complications arose.

“When my water broke at 1 a.m ... they checked me and the baby heart rate was dropping. I wasn’t passing four centimetres, but they had to do an emergency C-section,” she recalled. “It was a fast move … I’m grateful that I came out well and the baby’s fine also.”

Despite widespread criticism of the public health system, McKenzie Petgrave credited the nurses who assisted with her delivery.

“Thank God … I got some good nurse, you know, some nice ones. They took care of me. They did their best,” she said. “And if I should have another child I would want those same nurses to take care of me because they were so nice.”

McKenzie Petgrave also acknowledged why many women remain hesitant about having children.

“Women are scared to have children because of the health system,” she said, noting concerns about how patients are treated and how many young women fear suffering complications during delivery.

McKenzie Petgrave, however, was not granted much time to dwell on these concerns as her pregnancy, she revealed, was unplanned.

“This pregnancy ... just came and we accept it and we bring it here on Earth and we are happy,” she said.

She credited much of her calm transition into motherhood to her husband’s support.

“I’ve never had to think or worry about being or becoming a parent because I have a supportive husband,” she said. “A supportive one who makes sure, [and] ensures, I don’t want [for] anything; who ensures I don’t stress.”

Above all, McKenzie Petgrave’s outlook is guided by her faith in God.

“I always wanted to become a mother and, you know, this is the time that the Lord said I’m going to be a mother,” she said.

Meanwhile, for Nicole Taylor, who welcomed her daughter Aneila Heaven at 2:53 a.m., the first month of motherhood was emotionally exhausting and deeply painful.

EMOTIONAL TOLL

“The first month of motherhood wasn’t easy for me at all,” Taylor said. “Reason being is that my baby girl was in nursery. I have to be going to and fro from the hospital in the time when I’m supposed to be resting.”

The separation took a heavy emotional toll.

“Tears was just falling from my eyes every night in my room and, you know, can’t see my baby beside me. And that was heartbreaking for me,” she shared.

Relief finally came when her daughter was discharged.

“When I received my baby girl, I felt peace. It was just joy when the hospital called me and told me that she was discharged,” Taylor said. “I could run from here (home) to as far as I could go … I felt a level of joy that I haven’t felt in my life forever.”

What surprised her most was the depth of love she felt.

“The love that I felt for holding that baby, seeing her smile is a level of love that only a mother can understand,” she said.

Emotionally, Taylor had to learn to regulate her feelings, especially after nurses reminded her that babies can sense stress.

“I try my best not to worry on her feeling heartbroken … I start to speak to myself. It is well,” she said. “So when I go around her, she can feel the love, the joy and the faith that her mother has.”

Taylor credits her survival during the most difficult moments to her own mother’s unwavering support.

“I have to give my mother applause. She stayed beside me. She never leaves me,” Taylor said. “She helps me out with the baby… and I’m grateful for her support.

“(My mother) is … my treasure that I will not sell.”

Recognising the emotional and physical toll on new mothers, the Rotary Club of Savanna-la-Mar expanded its annual new year’s initiative this year to honour both the first baby boy and girl born, while also including gifts for the mothers.

Jean Powell, president of the club, said the decision was shaped by the hardships families faced following Hurricane Melissa.

“We decided to do first boy, first girl, and also include in the package something for the moms,” Powell said. “We should not just focus on the baby, but just think of the mom as somebody who needs a little pampering herself after nine or 10 months.”

She added, “These moms, incidentally, both were C-sections, so they themselves needed a whole lot of pampering.”

Powell said the initiative was meant to send a broader message of resilience.

“Even though we have gone through [Hurricane] Melissa, we are resilient as a people, we are resilient as a country,” she said.

Initiatives like these, she said, go along with the Rotary’s continued outreach efforts.

“Our motto is service above self,” Powell said. “We too have gone through trauma, but we are making sure that those that we can help, we offer the assistance that we can.”

mickalia.kington@gleanerjm.com