From big guns to big dreams - Former gang member swaps weapons for books

Robert Lalah, Assistant Editor - Features

Steve Oddman's hand quivered as he looked down at the gun he was holding. His stomach growled, a mixture of anxiety and hunger. At just 15 years old, Steve realised his life was about to change forever.

"The first time I ever hold a gun, I tell you, I can never forget it," he said.

"I was nervous but I knew it was going to fix all my problems and make life much better. I felt like a man for the first time."

Steve was living in Trench Town, St Andrew, with his mom and five brothers, two of whom suffered mental challenges. His mother did odd jobs to make ends meet, but struggled to put food on the table for her sons.

"It was just she alone. A lot of days we didn't eat because we just didn't have it," said Steve.

He was a student at St Andrew Technical High School, but didn't make it to classes very often.

"Most days I had to sacrifice my lunch money so my other brothers

could go to school. All of we couldn't afford to go same time."

So while his brothers went off to school and his mom worked long hours, Steve was left alone daily to wander the streets of Trench Town.

"That's when I would say I started to get into some things."

Alone and hungry, having not had a meal for almost two days, Steve went to visit a friend.

"I live in the ghetto and I know what is what. I used to see people I grow up with, do what they have to do to get food. They were getting what they wanted and helping their family. Meanwhile, I was here suffering and watching my mother struggle," said Steve.

the answer

For years, his friends had been offering to share their secret to prosperity with him. A gun, they told him, was the answer to all his problems.

"So I went and got a gun. Everything changed after that."

The next two years of Steve's life would play out like a Hollywood movie. Nighttime trips uptown reaped rich rewards.

"We used to call that the graveyard shift. We go out in the streets, do what we need to do and come home with more than we ever see in our life."

The robberies Steve was committing became a natural part of his life. He said that after a while, it was hard to stop.

"It become addictive. You start have more than you ever have. I had money to give my family. The gun was making things right," said Steve.

But things soon went wrong.

"I got a gun one day to go into the streets that night. It was still early so I was going home to put it down."

That's when Steve stumbled upon a police team.

"I got caught with it and end up going prison for a year." He was 18 years old.

Twelve months at Horizon Remand Centre provided Steve with a lot of time for contemplation.

"It never easy when you get locked up. The worst part though was when I looked at my mother and see what it was doing to her. How much it hurt her." Steve got choked up as he spoke.

"She always used to tell me to stay out of trouble."

When released, Steve found himself back in Trench Town, but with a new desire to stay clear of trouble.

"But even when you don't plan for trouble, trouble can find you."

Steve said that while sitting outside his home one morning, he got caught-up in a surprise police operation in the community. Shots were fired and Steve was hit in the leg.

"I spent three months in the hospital. My mother had to go through that stress again."

steve's plan

So Steve, who now walks with a pronounced limp, had to come up with a plan.

"When I got out of the hospital, it was like I was a new person. I realised that this life I was living wasn't worth the stress on my family. I had to really change something."

A friend's mother heard of Steve's desire to turn his life around and told him about the Adult Continuing Education (ACE) programme. It's a facility for adults in South St Andrew to pursue qualifications even up to CSEC level. Classes are held daily and are free of charge.

"Because of everything, I never finished high school and I realised that this was going to have to happen if I plan to be somebody in life," said Steve.

So, he went in to find out more. While most of those in the ACE programme take on one or two subjects, Steve has taken on five. Even his instructors were surprised.

"Well, I know I can do it. I really want it and plan to work hard to get through with all of them," said Steve, with a smile.

He'll be sitting the exams next year, just about the time his first child is expected to be born.

"The fact that I have a child on the way is just more motivation for me. When I look back on the life I have led, I know I have to keep my child away from that. I can never allow my child to go through what I have."

Now 24, Steve has secured a part-time job as a teacher's assistant at Trench Town Primary School and has already paid for all his subjects.

"I looking forward to it," he grinned.

But even as he focuses on the subjects at hand, Steve has bigger dreams.

"I want to become a radiologist, so I'm not stopping here. I plan to do more subjects until I have at least eight. Then, it's on to UWI (University of the West Indies).

"With everything I have done in life, I want to do something that really help people. That's how I want to spend my life," he said.

"I have a plan for my life. By the time I'm 32, I want to be in my dream job. This is just the first step."

hopes to help

Steve said that while his goals are meant to better himself and his family, he also hopes that other young men from his community, who find themselves in the position he did as a teenager, will look to him as an example.

"I know from personal experience that when you're young and suffering, it easy to fall in to peer pressure," said Steve.

"You don't have anybody to look to, nobody to turn to. Well, I want to be that person who can show them that, yeah, there is another way. That kind of life is easy to get into but very difficult to get out of. The gun is no solution. When you live by the gun, not even God is on your side," he said.

"I am a living example that it never too late to change. I am not ashamed to go to class at my age. I will be the one to show them a better way. There is always time to become a better person."

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com