Lovesick at med school

Q. I was in this relationship with this amazing guy. We both attend medical school at the same university and he is a year ahead of me.

With the end of medical school approaching for him, he was worried about internship, examinations and where he was going to do his internship. This is a crucial year for all medical students doing their final examinations.

He is, however, not very good in communicating his feelings in a 'timely manner' and I desire better communication. As a result, I felt neglected and blew up on him via text messages. I said things out of frustration of which I am now ashamed. He was tired and swamped with everything concerning the last few months of medical school that he simply replied that the relationship was not working out for him.

I am not sure why he broke up with me.

But whenever he is in a room where I am, he makes it a point to say hello. This sends mixed signals to me as I am trying to move on, but it is difficult. And, because we are at the same medical school, we see each other often. We also see each other on other occasions. Furthermore, we both live on campus, and whenever I see him it appears I still have feelings for him.

Recently, while at the university's office, he walked in and hugged me. However, this encounter really shook me because he came really close to me. I could smell his cologne and it brought back memories of the relationship. It just blew my mind. What should I do?

A. As the saying goes, old fire stick easy to catch and the cologne ignited the fire. Obviously, you have not gotten over him, and apparently, you still desire to renew the relationship with him, but you are unsure if the feelings are mutual.

That you perceive him as an amazing guy means you still have a high regard for him. It could be that his greeting you is him being civil and courteous. However, the hug took it a step further, in your mind, and it communicated other things to you.

You complain that he does not communicate well but you have your own communication issues. You claim to be ashamed of what you sent him by text message but you have not apologised to him for your unfortunate comments. You need to own up to your actions and express sorrow. Furthermore, your disgust is best not sent by text messages, but rather face to face since you both attend the same university and both live on campus.

Communication is not a skill easily mastered and you both would need to work on it. Lack of good communication is one of the major reasons marriages do not work. Communication includes understanding when is the right time to seek attention. It involves giving total undivided attention to the person when there is an important and urgent matter. Communication in a relationship is not about winning arguments, but trying to understand each and achieving a win-win situation. When there is good communication, both persons will feel comfortable to express their deep and true feelings.

Examination pressures can make persons behave out of character especially when the examination is crucial to the career path.

It could be that he is trying to send you a signal that he is still interested in you by the way he hugged you. He, perhaps, was hoping you would recognise the cologne. Since you are in emotional anguish, you need to take the bull by the horn and ask him what his intentions are towards you. If you get a favourable response, then you can tell him that the feeling is mutual and how you felt when he hugged you and you smelt his cologne. But if he is just being a gentleman in his salutations and greetings, then try and move on, as difficult as that may be, and minimise the contact with him as much as it lies within your power.

I wish you all the best at medical school.

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