The place of the unknown

Today, I felt the first breath of cool November breeze, signalling the end of a long, hot summer and the coming of Christmas. I felt that this shift in the season brought a shift in my life, back to one of gratitude instead of fear.

A while back, I wrote about 'letting go' and got such a tremendous response, that I wanted to give you an update. In that article, I spoke about giving up my life in Kingston and moving to Montego Bay so my family could be together. I spoke about having enough faith to be able to jump off the edge of a cliff into the unknown.

What I did not know is that the 'unknown' is a challenging and difficult place. The unknown is scary, lonely and often dark and filled with despair. I know, I was there for a while when I jumped off my cliff. In the cave of the unknown, I struggled with self-doubt, fear, guilt and a great sense of loss.

Hold the pose

Luckily, over the years, yoga taught me to 'hold the pose'; to stay steady and focused in a challenging position and to ride the waves of life, one breath at a time. When you are in the cave, this is not an easy thing to do.

You want to run, cry, blame, and return to your old ways of being. But it is in this struggle and pain that you find who you truly are. It is in this place that you find the healing power of gratitude that helps you move from the darkness into the light.

I would cry

In my most challenging days, these past few months, I would just lie on my yoga mat and cry. After the tears subsided, I would try bringing myself to a place of deep gratitude. Gratitude to everyone and everything in my life that led me to this moment. This gratitude, as hard as it was to find, helped me to transform the shaking, exhaustion and struggle it has taken to hold this 'new pose' and to be okay with this empty place. Now, after weeks of feeling confused and fearful, I find myself in a new place.

I am so grateful for my yoga students and co-workers at Shakti who are 'holding the fort' for me and keeping the Shakti energy alive. I am grateful for this time and beautiful space to slow down, regroup and reorganise my life.

Some of you may be wondering what I am talking about, but others may be nodding your heads because you have been in that cave of the unknown before or are in it right now. Wherever you are, take a moment to be in gratitude. It is okay to be in the unknown.

Sharon McConnell-Feanny is a certified yoga instructor and co-owner of Shakti Mind Body Fitness. She has more than 25 years' experience in health and fitness; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.