When your spouse becomes a Christian

Paul's second letter to the Corinthian church was instructive that partners should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).

This should be true of marriage where two people become one flesh. For all practical purposes, this great advice for a marriage may even extend to business associations, partnerships, and relationships in general.

Two become one

When you commit to your partner, you create a legal and moral yoke as "two become one". What is a yoke? A yoke is something that binds the two together to act as one and go in the same direction. Of course, one partner has to yield, which means realigning one's spiritual values to fall in line with your partner's biblical principles in his or her new-found faith. Chances are that the bond between you and your 'believer' partner will be severed eventually unless you become a Christian as well.

Benefits of being 'equally yoked'

There are several reasons why your Christian partner would want you to be 'equally yoked'. Couples want to make their relationship a great and holy experience. According to Marianne Williamson, writing in Illuminata, couples should see their union as a sacred place to be, to find rest, and a heaven for their souls. As two become one, Williamson adds that couples should wish that their relationship be:

	A burst of light
	A fount of love and wisdom for them, their families, their community and the world
	A channel for God's love and healing
	A vehicle for God's grace and power, and always remembering that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man.

Special intimacy

It means experiencing a kind of intimacy in which there is a special closeness. When opposing spiritual beliefs prevail, you will hardly feel like partners, feeling lonely even though you are sharing the same space. Very often during dating, your partner may express an interest in God through "Christian talk" just to gain your acceptance, but will later demonstrate very little faith in God resulting in an unstable union.

The risk you face in dating or marrying a non-Christian is that you may end up with a boring sex life. Williamson expounds that the spiritual meaning of intimacy means "inward growth past our masks and fears and recklessness to the sacred place where we are naked before God and each other". God views believers and unbelievers as opposites who have no potential for a deep union (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39).

Mpchristianity.com shares some other benefits of being equally yolked.

1. Sharing the same faith: This leads to greater compatibility in the relationship.

2. Sharing synergistic visions: If your vision and that of your partner are not similar, or at least work very well together, then you will find it difficult to share the yoke for unity of purpose.

3. Sharing a complementary set of skills: Partners do not have to have the same abilities in the domestic arrangement. It is important to determine who is good at what and divide roles accordingly.

Breaking up

In extreme situations, some partners who have been 'transformed' by their religion will break off the relationship they share with their non-believer partners. They will break regardless of the hurt that will be caused and whether the decision will ruin their partners, emotionally and financially.

Many persons will ask if this is what God intended, that a person who chooses to follow Him should cause pain for another person because they have become a Christian. What if you are in a relationship already? Maybe you were not aware of Paul's advice when you started your relationship and you just became a devout Christian. What are you to do now? Should you break off a long-standing relationship just because you have been saved?

Tolerance

Many Christians would tell you unequivocally yes. But is that really what the Bible teaches? The believer partner can bring his or her partner closer to God by demonstrating love and tolerance to show more than lip service to their faith and upholding biblical principles.

If you are already in the situation and your partner is willing to stay with you, there is a chance that living out his or her faith in front of you may lead you to salvation. This is not an ideal situation. It is never an easy choice and the answers may be hard to bear. Paul is very clear about staying together even when one is an unbeliever.

Staying together

What if you follow the biblical principles along with your partner in an attempt to 'become one'? Paul thought of this situation specifically when it came to marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

12. "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

The way forward

If it is difficult to dissolve the union, as a couple, you may have to seek prayer support for God's will in the matter. You may have to have a sit down, heart-to-heart talk with your partner.

Heart-to-heart talk

Be open, honest, and frank about what it means to be a Christian. Let your partner know how you feel since your transformation and what you will expect as you mature in faith. You should also explain that as you are led by the spirit, you may change course even without notice and you would crave your partner's understanding.

Be sure to explain the concept of the yoke, and how strongly you feel that it should move you together in the same direction.

Use more mature Christians to help you through this period and to help answer any questions you are unable to answer.

You should not speak to your partner in condescending tones nor should you condemn him or her as evil.

You will need several sessions to work this through and you will have to give it time in an environment of prayer and listening with the Holy Spirit's guidance in the matter.

Be guided by biblical teachings, especially Ephesians 5:31 - "shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh ... ."

At this stage, you may want to draft an agreement of operating principles to solidify what this means to each of you in writing.

Failure to agree

If no agreement can be reached, then decide to discontinue the union and take steps to end the union in an amicable way and as painless as possible - even at your own expense.

Additional source: Brad Harmon, Marketplace Christianity, mpchristianity.com/already-unequally-yoked.html

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