When parents get the jitters
Published:Sunday | September 2, 2012 | 12:00 AM
Sacha Walters-Gregory, Staff Reporter
The first day of high school can be as nerve-wracking for parents as it is for students. Students see it is a taste of adulthood, a complete change of curriculum and friends and an onset of feeling inadequate. For the parents, they are apprehensive about what the future holds for their child.
Dr Claudine Hyatt, clinical psychologist at The Mico University Counselling Centre, believes that one of parents' greatest fears is their child's lack of progress at high school.
"They also fear that they may lose their sons to gangs and their daughters to teenage pregnancy," said Dr Hyatt while concurrently the students grapple with issues of transition.
"At prep/primary, you are a senior class students, you know how to navigate the system of the school, you know the rules, you have your friends," she explained. "But when you enter high school, suddenly you are starting from the bottom trying to make your way back to the top again. Parents should have a conversation where they normalise such behaviour," said Dr Hyatt, allowing students to know that their challenges and feelings are not outside the norm.
Similarly, Ewart McDonald, senior guidance counsellor at Pembroke Hall Comprehensive High School in St Andrew, believes one of the greatest apprehensions parents face about their child entering high school is the possibility of them being bullied.
"While they are concerned that the girls may be targeted by older girls, it is even more so for the boys," said McDonald who explained that this fear is coupled with other apprehensions such as having to take public transportation, some for the first time.
"Sometimes the children are traumatised by the sheer concept of the change," he said.
The whirling doubts and fears on both side are normal, but they can be alleviated with effort.
"It's understandable because this is your little baby, my child who has been dependent on me for so long is suddenly entering this very important stage of his or her life," said Dr Hyatt. "Being a parent, I have the best intention for my child and the parent also has the vantage point of being an adult who understands what the real world expects. So you want your child to be equipped with the requisite skills that he or she can navigate all the demands of the world," she said.
Parents can in turn acknowledge that their fears are not unusual and reach out to other parents, teachers and guidance counsellors to help them deal with these issues.
"Parents should also become involved with the child's life at school. Introduce yourself to your child's classroom teacher, attend and actively participate in the parent-teacher association and other activities at the school," she said, all the while reinforcing the child's value.
McDonald emphasised that parents should not overlook simple things like the orientation process, which is one of the ways schools attempt to alleviate these inevitable fears. Here the child and the parent get to familiarise themselves not just with general information on the school, but the physical layout of the school.
"It also creates an opportunity for that child to meet a new friend," said McDonald who acknowledged that often persons miss the orientation process because of work obligations. However, schools are cognisant that this adjusting period can take up to three months and therefore they are facilitated.
McDonald recommends in order to ease both student and parent in the new situation to first take the bus with the child to the school to ensure they know the route before the opening of school.
Second, he recommends that parents have a frank conversation with their child to prepare them for the challenges they will face in high school, to include more difficult classes and intimidating students.
Third, McDonald recommends taking the child to school on the first day. "Even if the parents can't be there, ask a friend or really close family member to do so," it allows the child and the parents to ease some of their fears.
That aside, Dr Hyatt said parents can pick up if their child is not adjusting well to high school, but first parents have to know their child's normal behaviour to identify when they are acting out of the ordinary.
"Oftentimes, this presents itself as internalised behaviours for girls and externalised behaviours for boys, but this is speaking in generality," she said. "The internalised behaviours, and this is again from gender stereotyping which is supported by research that the girls oftentimes become reticent, they withdraw from others. The parents may notice that the child no longer wants to go spend time with friends or participate in family activities and chooses to spend their time in the bedroom or sleeping longer hours on the weekends," she said.
Boys, on the other hand, tend to act out. "Boys tend to externalise, getting into more fights, becoming more irritable and shutting down when the parent is attempting to talk to them," she added.
"Don't forget that as much as you are invested in your child, your child has to be a separate autonomous being," Dr Hyatt said. "We don't want to be projecting on to children our worst fears and unresolved and unmet goals. Parents should be trying to understand their children for who he or she is," she said. Parents should try to be a supportive coach, who is approachable, but stern.