Bullying at school

By Carleene Grant-Davis

Have you noticed that your child has a sudden lack of interest in school, grades have fallen, he or she is refusing to go to school, or complains of morning-time headaches or abdominal pains. These may be symptoms that he is being bullied at school.

According to the American Association of Pediatricians website, AAP.org, a recent survey of a midwestern junior high school showed that four in five students admitted to some form of bullying behaviour at least once a month, ranging from name-calling, verbal threats to physical violence.

Children can be bullied for various reasons and sometimes for no reason at all! Usually, children who are being bullied are weaker, smaller, fatter, shy or generally feel helpless.

How can parents help?

Always talk to your child about bullying, whether or not you think they are being bullied. Ask simple questions like: "How are things going at school?" "What do you think of the other kids in your class?" "Does anyone get picked on?"

Dispense with the conventional wisdom that teasing is a harmless ritual of youth. Mild teasing may be harmless, but ridicule should not be tolerated. Let's teach our children that it is wrong to hurt other people's feelings. Ask them to remember an incident where someone made fun of them and how it made them feel.

Encourage youngsters to defend those who get picked on. If more bystanders had the courage to intervene ('Why don't you leave him alone?' 'No one thinks this is cool.'), most tormenters would probably think twice.

Look for the silent signs, such as those mentioned before, that a child is being bullied. A youngster may be too embarrassed to admit to Mom and Dad that someone is badgering him or her. Unexplained bruises and other physical injuries should also nab a parent's attention.

If you suspect that your child is being victimised, coach him or her on how to assert himself/herself without resorting to violence. Teach your child how to look the bully in the eye, stand tall and stay calm in a difficult situation and to walk away whenever a confrontation seems potentially dangerous.

Encourage your child to make friends. Children who are loners are more likely to get picked on.

Support activities that interest your child. This will help them to develop new abilities and social skills. When children feel good about how they relate to others, they are less likely to be picked on.

Alert school officials to the problems and work with them on solutions.

Finally, throughout this process, explain to your child that he or she has done nothing wrong. It's the other person who is at fault. Give him or her your patience and full support. His/her self-esteem could probably use a boost, so remind him or her how terrific he or she is in so many ways.

If your child is the bully, take it very seriously and seek professional help. Now is the time when you can change your child's behaviour. Bullies often have problems. If the behaviour is allowed to continue, the problems continue into adulthood, resulting in impairment in their social and family lives and even problems with the law.

Dr Carleene Grant-Davis is a consultant paediatrician and head, Dept of Paediatrics, Cornwall Regional Hospital; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.