Doctor's Advice - My husband is obsessed with lesbianism

• My husband is obsessed with lesbianism

Q. Hi, doctor. I am a wife with a problem. And the problem is my husband! He is a pretty sexy guy. And I am highly sexed myself. In bed, we like to fantasise and stuff. That really turns both of us on.

Well, around six months ago, I revealed to him that when I was at university, almost 20 years ago, I had a sort of one-night stand with another girl. In case you are wondering, Doc, that was the one and only time in my life when I tried that sort of thing. I was not in love with the other female student, and I am definitely not a lesbian.

I wondered how my husband would react to this story. To my surprise, it made him tremendously excited. He wanted to know exactly what I did with the other young woman, all those years ago. He demanded that I tell him whether I had orgasmed or not. And to be honest, Doc, it was all so far in the past that I can't remember much about it. It certainly didn't make a big impression on me.

Now, I didn't mind that what I told my husband had got him so turned on. He made love to me real vigorously, so that was good.

But unfortunately, my disclosure has totally changed his attitude to sex. Whenever we go to bed, he wants me to talk to him about lesbianism. He loves it. He asks me all about that girl, and what her body was like. And then he gets me to fantasise about having lesbian sex with various female film stars and other famous women.

Doctor, I don't mind a little of this, but he keeps on doing it every time. So I am getting a little bored. I would like to try other things.  Do you think there is anything wrong with my husband? Is it normal for a guy to be interested in lesbianism? Or do you think that he is perhaps a secret homosexual?

A. Well, I think you can forget that last idea immediately. Homosexual guys are not remotely interested in hearing about lesbianism. So I am in absolutely no doubt that your man is straight.

Is it normal for a heterosexual male to be interested in sex between women? The truth is that an awful lot of guys are turned on by that type of thing, and get excited when they see pictures of attractive women cuddling and kissing.

Many people deplore that fact. But it is undeniable. Last year, researchers did a study of the pornography which is available to men on the Internet. They found that around 30 per cent of this stuff involved what is often called 'girl-girl' action.

I cannot offer you a psychological explanation of why so many males like that type of thing. But they do.

However, it really does sound as though your husband has gone completely over the top in this matter. It appears that every time the two of you have sex, he wants you to talk about lesbianism. No wonder you are getting bored!

Something must be done about this, or your marriage will suffer. So I feel that you should begin by getting him to sit down with the Outlook Magazine, and to read your question and my answer. I hope that will show him that he has got this lesbian foolishness completely out of proportion, and that you are fed up to the back teeth with it!

If he will not agree to change his ways, the best hope would be for the two of you to seek marriage guidance therapy. Good luck.

• Trouble having sex

Q. For the last six months, I have had trouble in having sex with my wife.
Don't get me wrong, Doc, I have not lost my nature. But what is
happening is that I keep on having intercourse with her for maybe half
an hour, and still I don't orgasm. Is it because I
have been badly depressed over the last year? I am on pills for
this.

A. This problem is called
delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation, and you can look it up on
the Internet. Depression could be the cause. But I
suspect that the real culprit is the pills which you are taking for
depression. Not many people realise that some antidepressant drugs are
very liable to make it real difficult for a guy to
climax.  So what you should do now is to ask your doc
to switch you to a next brand of
tablet.

A. I am just coming up to my
30th birthday, Doc. Is it true that I must give up taking the Pill
now?

A. No, not at all. The risks of
the Pill do increase slightly after around the age of 30, but for most
women it is OK to go on taking it.

The exception would
be if you have any significant risk factors. These
include:

• Smoking;
• Being very
  overweight;
• Diabetes;
• A history of
  clotting (thrombosis);
• A family tendency to heart
  attacks and strokes;
• High
  pressure.

When you go to get your next Pill
prescription, please check with the doc that you do not have any risk
factors.

Q. My wife has just revealed
to me that while I was away on business last month, she cheated on me,
Doc. What are the chances that she may have brought
home a sexually transmitted infection
(STI)?

Sorry to hear about this. If
neither of you have any symptoms, then the odds are that everything
will be OK. However, there are some STIs which DON'T
produce any symptoms in the early stages. In particular, the bug called
chlamydia is often silent. So if you are in any doubt, both of you
should go to a doc for tests. Good luck in trying to
preserve your marriage.

Q. I have
suddenly started seeing a little blood, even though I have passed
menopause. Is that OK,
Doc?

No, it isn't! post-menopausal
bleeding is a danger sign, and all women should be aware of that
fact. I urge you to try and see a gyno this
week.

Q. Does prostate enlargement
cause constipation?

Only in dogs -
not in humans. In human beings, it causes interference with the flow of
urine, but does not affect the
bowels.

Q. I have recently met a new
and sexy guy, so I went to the doc and got myself fitted with a coil.
Since then, my menses have been very heavy. Is this
normal?

Increase in menstrual flow
is one of the recognised side effects of the intrauterine device (IUD or
coil). It may settle down.

But if it doesn't, you
should ask your doc to prescribe you some tablets that will lessen the
bleeding. If by any chance those don't work, you may
need to have the coil taken out. You might do better with the Mirena
device, which usually reduces blood
flow.