Doctor's Advice - Has my husband lost his nature?

Q. Why does my husband keep turning away from me in bed? Doc, I love him dearly. And there are many nights when I would like to have sex with him. But in recent months, whenever time I have indicated to him that I am in the mood, he just rolls away from me and faces the wall. Then he pretends to have gone to sleep. Do you think he has stopped loving me? Or maybe he has some other woman.

A. I feel pretty sure that this guy does still love you, and that he does not have any other woman. In fact, I have heard stories like yours very often. And I would willingly bet a few dollars that I know what the problem is here. Almost certainly, your husband has lost his nature.

Unfortunately, when guys develop erectile dysfunction (ED), they are very frequently too embarrassed to discuss it with their wives. Instead, they pretend that nothing is wrong - and they just avoid intercourse. Almost invariably, this is real upsetting for the lady.

What you should do now is to sit down and talk with your husband about what has been going on. Explain to him that you are distressed by the fact that he has been avoiding conjugal relations, And tell him you realise that it is likely that he has been having erectile problems - and that you want to help.

What he should appreciate is that treatment for ED is available these days. So he should go to a doc and have a good check-up. After that, the doctor will almost certainly be able to give him advice and/or medication that will help him to have sex with you again. I wish you both well.

Q. Whenever time I have sex with my husband, I use what I call the power of fantasy in order to help myself reach the orgasm. This works pretty well, Doc. But in the last year or so, I have found that my fantasies have taken a somewhat lesbian trend. In other words, I nearly always fantasise that I am having sex with another woman - invariably a beautiful one. Can this kind of thing do me any harm, Doctor?

A. Research has shown that around 60 per cent of women sometimes fantasise about various people during sex. And, occasionally, they fantasise about other females.

The problem with that kind of thing is this. It is easy to reach a stage in which you cannot discharge unless you think about one particular fantasy. Sounds to me as though you are near to that stage. Therefore, it would probably be wise for you to try hard to direct your mind to a variety of other fantasies.

Incidentally, does your husband know about the thoughts you are having while he is having sex with you? If possible, try and talk this matter over with him. Rather surprisingly, a lot of husbands are quite receptive to the notion that their wives have sexual fantasies. However, some other husbands do not like the idea at all, so be careful!

Q. Doctor, I just have one question, which I am asking as a concerned husband. When a woman goes outside of her relationship and has sex with another guy, does that change her monthly cycle?

A. No, it doesn't. I don't know what fears and suspicions are making you fret. But I assure you that a change in your wife's menstrual pattern does NOT mean that she has been cheating on you.

Q. As a virile man, I feel that my sex life has been ruined by the fact
that I was circumcised when I was small. So would it be possible
to get a plastic surgeon to take some skin from another part of my
body, and graft it on to my penis, thus giving me a new
foreskin?

A. It would indeed be
technically possible for a plastic or cosmetic surgeon to do a skin
graft of this type, and thus give you some extra loose skin on your male
organ. The skin would probably be taken from your chest or your
back.

But I must warn you that this 'new foreskin'
wouldn't contain erotic nerve endings like a real foreskin would.
Therefore, I am doubtful that it would give you much extra
pleasure.

You said that being circumcised has 'ruined
your sex life'. That is unusual. So it would be a good idea to talk your
problems over with a counsellor or therapist before you take the
drastic and expensive step of trying to get a surgeon to give you a new
foreskin.

Q. When I was a young guy, I caught
the clap from a girl in Kingston. That was many years ago,
Doc. Now I find that I am having difficulty in passing
urine. Is this due to my prostate, Doc? Or is it connected with that
infection of long years ago?

A. You
don't say how old you are. But if you are under 50, it is unlikely that
the problem is located in your prostate gland. So what
is wrong? Well, you say you had the clap when you were a young guy.
That is the popular term for gonorrhoea, which is a real common sexually
transmitted infection.

Unfortunately, many years
later, it can cause a severe narrowing of the urinary tract. This is
called a stricture. The result is that the man cannot urinate easily,
and has a very poor flow.

I fear that this may be what
has happened to you. But if so, you could be treated by a
surgeon-specialist, who could widen the urinary pipe for you, and make
everything OK again. But what you must do now is to see a doc right
away, and have an examination and some tests. Good
luck.

Q. I am a married woman in my late 30s.
Recently, Doc, I have had a lot of pain in the lower part of the belly,
just above the pubic hair. Also, I have been bloated, as though I had a
great deal of gas in the body. Otherwise, I am well, though I have lost
my appetite. My husband says I should see a doctor,
though I feel that everything would be OK if I took some herbs or some
bush tea. What is your view,
Doc?

A. Sorry to be so blunt, but in a
woman over 35 who has low belly pain, bloating, and loss of appetite,
one must always consider the possibility of cancer in the ovaries. That
is quite a common condition.

Admittedly, it is quite
possible that you have nothing seriously wrong with you. But it is
essential to make sure that you don't have ovarian cancer. Therefore,
you should consult a doctor this week. Don't try to treat yourself with
herbs or 'bush'.

You urgently need an examination of
the belly, plus a vaginal check-up. You should also have an ultrasound
scan of the lower part of the belly, plus a blood test called
'CA-125'. Please do not
delay.