Living beyond fear after 50

What did you do for your fiftieth birthday? Did you have a bigger celebration than usual or did you go the other way and keep it quiet as you reflected on where you are in life. Turning fifty is often seen as a significant milestone and can bring mixed feelings. For some, it's a recognition of really being in the mid-life and not sure how things will turn after this. For others, it can be seen as a new lease on life and a time to go do new things. Yet it can be a period of anxiety and fear.

What are you afraid of?

I can recall from my childhood days at school a very strong sense of fear of being promoted to the higher grades. Children above me had these books with drawing of triangles and images that looked so complex and difficult; I thought I would never be able to do this kind of work. Left alone to these feelings, I would have stayed in kindergarten the rest of my life! Well, the good news is that I did make it out! Thinking back, it was fear of the unknown that gripped me in those early years. This is really the very basic fear that seeks to haunt all of us. Are you having an attack of this in your fifties?

Fear arousal in the fifties

I had fear of advanced schoolwork because I knew that this different experience awaited me and as time moved on it became closer and closer. It is suggested that the fear of the unknown surfaces in three fundamental fears: fear of death, fear of abandonment, and fear of failure. Can all of your long list of fears be covered by these? As you get older, there tends to come more news of friends and family getting various diseases and some even passing away. There will also be changes in family life, and your job situation. And, of course, your assessment of what you are doing or have done with your life. All of these can fire up the three fundamental fears.

Acknowledging fear

After being prodded to do a mammogram for her check up at age fifty, it took little over a year for one of my patients to get the test done. It was really the fear of what they could find that held her back. We chipped through that wall of fear over time by looking at the real facts, building up a trusting relationship and taking small steps of walking through the 'what ifs' in a supportive manner.

Living beyond the fear

Acknowledging the fear and the source of it is a first step. The fear can prod you to make essential changes across various areas of your life. If you feel like it is overwhelming and keeping you stuck, talk to someone about it and start getting help to move on. I discovered a stimulating and challenging life beyond kindergarten. I miss it, but I am so happy I was able to move on!

Dr Tomlin Paul is a family physician at Health Plus Associates in Kingston; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com