DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Should I tell my husband?

Q. Doctor, should I tell my husband that his brother has been flirting with me, as well as taking sexual liberties? I am a happily married woman with two children. I had no major problems until two months ago when my husband and I attended a family birthday party. Unfortunately, some persons had too much to drink, including my brother-in-law.

Late in the evening, he 'trapped' me in a quiet, darkened room, and started to kiss me. To begin with, I did not resist because I felt it was all just harmless fun. But after a few minutes, he started squeezing my breasts. And a moment later, he suddenly put his hand up my skirt and started fondling me.

Well, I was very alarmed, so I said something like, 'naughty boy'. Then I pushed him away and ran back to join the party. I thought that was the end of the matter. But twice since then, he has come round to our house when my husband was out, and has kissed me and tried to grope me. Doc, is there any chance that what he has done could give me a venereal disease? And what do you think I should do? Would it be best to tell my husband?

A. Well, let us begin with the question of sexually transmitted infection (STI). As far as that is concerned, you have no need to worry. On the basis of what you have told me, it is almost impossible for that sort of bad behaviour to give a woman an STI.

However, you are in a very serious situation here. A man has been fooling around with the most intimate part of your body. And that man is your husband's brother. Now, unless your spouse is a very unusual man, he is likely to become very angry and upset if he hears that his own brother has been touching his wife! In such situations, males quite often react with violence.

So I think you should base your decision on what you know of your husband's personality. Is he a good, calm, caring, loving, peaceful man? Or is he a man who readily becomes angry and violent? If the answer to the latter question is yes, then I think you should be very wary of telling him anything.

One thing is clear: For the time being, you should have as little contact as possible with your brother-in-law. Under no circumstance should you be alone with him. And if he turns up at your house when you are home alone, just tell him that there is no way you are going to let him in! Keep the door locked.

Q. I feel that I am not as virile as I would like to be. Would a doctor be willing to prescribe male hormone for me?

A. If you consult a doctor, he will examine you and assess whether you have any evidence of deficiency of testosterone (male hormone). If there is, then he will certainly write you a prescription for a course of hormone treatment. However, I must tell you that most men who think that their virility is a little substandard do not have a testosterone deficiency. And it is not considered reasonable to give hormone therapy to these men.

Q. We are a married couple who briefly separated last year, but are now together again. And we have a lovely baby boy, who is five months old. Doctor, would those DNA tests establish with absolute certainty who is the actual father of the child?

Yes, DNA tests do not lie, provided they are carried out properly. If it is very important to you to make sure who the father of the child is, you could get such a test done. But the two of you should talk this over very carefully before you decide to go ahead with the testing.

Q. I am female, and I have always enjoyed a pretty great sex life. I have been married three times and, fortunately, I have now settled down with a man who is the love of my life. But I have read in a United States magazine that as a woman gets older, her sex organs change, and that this can affect her sex life. Is that true, Doc? At the moment, I can see no changes in my body, including my private organs.

A. That is good. Do not worry about what you have read in the magazine. The fact is that many women experience very little body changes as they get older, and they continue to enjoy their sex lives just as much as they did before. Indeed, in some cases females actually get sexier with age.

However, it is true that scientists have identified certain alterations which often take place in sexual response as women get into their 50s and beyond. In particular, American researchers Masters and Johnson studied a group of females aged 50 to 78. I can sum up what they found as follows:

The breasts: during sexual excitement, nipple erection occurs exactly as in younger women. However, breasts may not enlarge quite as much during sex as they do in younger women.

The urinary pipe and bladder: Some mature women experience painful urination a few hours after sex.

The clitoris: In older women, the clitoris reacts to sexual stimulation is much the same way as it does in younger women. But it may not enlarge as much.

The labia: In young women, during sexual excitement there is often a colour change in the labia. This is not so marked in older women.

The vagina: In mature women, there is often a thinning of the mucosal lining of the vagina. That may cause tenderness during sex. Also, there may be a reduction in the amount of vaginal lubrication produced.

Orgasm: Around the age of 70 and even much older, women are perfectly capable of orgasm, and some of them have multiple orgasms for the first time in their lives. However, Masters and Johnson found that a few older women may experience an annoying pain after some of their orgasms.

So as you can see, these age-related changes are not very dramatic. Furthermore, these days many of them can easily be reversed by judicious use of hormone therapy.

For instance, if a woman aged 50 to 60 has problems with lack of vaginal lubrication, that can readily be cured by giving her female hormone cream to use vaginally. Also, the use of sex lubricants can also help.  I wish you well with your new relationship.

Q.  Is it true that losing excess weight can help a man's sexual performance, Doc?

A. Yes, that is correct.

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