In the valley of the shadows of debt

Oxy Moron, Contributor

In the valley of the shadows of debt, I'm lingering and hiding. And all I see encamped around me are evil men and women, and mosquitoes. With daggers drawn, they want to extract their pound of flesh, and gallons of blood.

In the valley of the shadows of debt, I can't answer my phone and the knocks on my door. From country and town, creditors and collectors are chasing me down. Where do I go, where do I run?

In the valley of the shadows of debt, the silhouettes of hovering John crows are on the ground. They are waiting for me to expire. But, can't they see my skeleton grinning under my wrinkled skin? I didn't know John crows suck on dry bones.

In the valley of the shadow of debt, evil walks on two legs. I see Satan and the devil walking side by side, plotting my demise. In collusion with the angel of debt they are, preparing for my imminent downfall.

In the valley of the shadows of debt, I am searching with my bare hands for Carlos Hill's buried treasures. I know they are not here, nor is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But, I can only try, since I have so much spare time.

In the valley of the shadow of debt, I am hankering for the 1 million pound that they 'shelled-down' at the London Olympics. It was money well-spent for nothing. If only I could get a few shillings from it.

If the valley of the shadows of debt, should I cry, 'Lord, Lord, deliver me'? Yes, Lord, deliver me from these pesky mosquitoes that seem to think I owe them too. Hordes of them have been attacking me of late, adding to the bitter medicine I am already taking, the one prescribed by Baby Bruce, and administered by Mama and Papa.

CURSED BY MOSQUITOES

The other night, in my frustration, I drew my hand-knitted blanket over my head. No part of my emaciated body was exposed to the needles of these six-legged vampires. Shortly after, I heard buzzing and cussing at the places where my ears were. The legion was creating quite a riot.

The leader, a big, blood-laden virago, was livid. "Oxy Moron!" she shouted, "Why yuh hiding? Yuh not man enough to face us? You, who behave like yuh so bad? You, big, tough, grey-back man, bout yuh hiding from some likkle mawga insect. Yuh no think we want to live tuh. We have to eat and drink tuh. And right now things very tight in the country.

"The blood them out there no have no nourishment because people can't buy food, not even patty, and since yuh can afford to feed yuhself, then we know that your blood is the best, and we want some of it, and we are not leaving tonight until we drink to our heart desire.

"But, come to think of it, you know why you are hiding from us, Oxy? Of late, nothing not going on fi yuh, and we hear that you been sucking salt through wooden spoon. So, is because yuh don't want us to know that yuh blood bad, why yuh hiding from us. But give us the benefit of the doubt, and let us just taste a little bit, and we will decide if we should continue."

And she cussed until she changed from red to blue, with her colleagues in the background giving her musical accompaniment with their annoying buzz and humming. But I was not moved, and did not move. Too weak I was; hunger was wracking my heart, body and soul.

"So, yuh not budging, Oxy?" The virago continued, "Yuh playing hard to get? But look at you! Wait, man! We shall be back, because in this valley of the shadows of debt, all the water here is stagnant, and we are breeding as if there was no tomorrow. Yuh corner dark, and the Budget no read yet." And with that she and her viragoes-in-training departed while singing, "Nay, neh, nay, neh, nay, neh, Oxy is a coward!"

In the valley of the shadows of debt, I fear all evil - Mama, Papa and the mosquitoes.