Gordon Robinson | Let’s not be fulsome about it

Everybody knows I'm not a fan of 'modern' English language.

For example, the word 'impact' will forever be a noun to me. 'Impacted' isn't the past tense of the verb 'impact'. It's an adjective from the noun 'impact' that describes teeth. Instead of casually saying 'it impacted me' or 'this issue impacts the world', try 'Affect'. Now, don't get me started on 'access'. We no longer enter something, we 'access' it. Ugh!

However, I shut my cataract-impacted eyes, grit my hard-to-access teeth, and leave those two words' adjusted meanings to computer geeks. But the egregious abuse persistently visited upon the word 'fulsome' is the straw that can't cover the peephole invading this hermit's solitude.

This might shock and amaze ya! Not only did Ali fail to retire Joe Frazier, but 'fulsome' doesn't have the thorough meaning language abusers give it. Insincerity is a closer nuance than exhaustive to the meaning of 'fulsome'. A fulsome apology isn't a comprehensive one. If you're fulsome, you're too generous in praising or thanking somebody, or in saying sorry, resulting in your not sounding sincere. Being fulsome is overdoing it, not doing it right.

 

HOSTILITY TO SUMMARY

 

Political hacks are always fulsome in praise of their political party, no matter how questionable its policies or actions. Followers or employees seeking to suck up to leaders or employers with a view to progressing or gaining an advantage other than by merit will be fulsome in their acclaim.

Politicians are true believers in a religion called 'fulsomeness'. For them, fulsome is a favourite tool of obfuscation or blather. Give a politician a minute, he can fill hours. Fulsomely! Have you noticed that, where adjectives are concerned, no politician is capable of singularity? Apparently, a hostility to summary is as much a prerequisite for a political career as illegible handwriting appears (or usually, doesn't) to be for a medical career. Audley Shaw closing this year's Budget Debate:

"The prime minister effectively corrected the false historical narrative ... about the origin of Jamaica's fiscal and economic crisis, which was primarily a result of the disastrous and devastating high interest rate and high-inflation policies of the PNP during the 1990s and 2000s."

Note the narrative is both 'historical' AND 'about the origin of ... ' (what's wrong with "false narrative of Jamaica's economic crisis"?); the crisis was "fiscal" AND "economic"; interest rates "disastrous", "devastating" AND "high"; and policies needed subcategorisation as high-interest AND high-inflation (not to mention "disastrous" AND "devastating"). Wasn't "the PNP's disastrous economic policies" an option? Is it no wonder Budget speeches last hours while boosting Netflix viewership?

 

CREATIVE OXYMORON

 

In the anxiety for fulsomeness, some turn to creative oxymoron. Juliet Holness tweeting recently on her visit to London:

"I...was honoured to share in meaningful pleasantries with Rt. Hon. @JustinTrudeau, Prime Minister of Canada..."

Meaningful pleasantries? WHAT? A 'pleasantry', according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is "a friendly remark made in order to be polite". How on earth can that be "meaningful"? This might closer approach sense: "After exchanging the usual pleasantries, we got down to serious discussion." Pleasantries first; meaningful talks afterwards!

One of my favourites came from National Security Minister Peter Bunting (April 2013):

"I am not embarrassed to say that right now, as minister of national security, I am going through a kind of a dark night of the soul."

Good point. I'd definitely be embarrassed, frightened even, were I ever to find myself experiencing a night that wasn't dark. Was it a "dark night" or a "kind of a dark night"? Holy nightmare, Batman! Oh, and thanks for "right now". There was a real danger I'd believe this was past experience. Sheesh!

If only politicians were all newspaper columnists, they'd be forced to obey word-count rules. Maybe we'd have less soporific speeches and fewer bored-to-tears audiences. Meanwhile, if ever you're publicly maligned, for God's sake, don't ask for a fulsome apology. Demand a sincere one!

Peace and love.

- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.